Thursday, May 31, 2012


Hey Everyone,

I have finally updated my photos in the tabs above!  Check them out!!!


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Feeling Really Infertile Today

Hello Everyone!

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day Weekend.  I had a really great time up north with the family.  I was relaxed and happy and then all of a sudden today I feel back to reality and back to feeling really IF!  I know this whole thing is a process, but I don't have a plan and it is starting to bother me.  Right now I am still doing herbs and acupuncture 1x per week. 

I know I am supposed to be on a break, but I am starting to feel like I need a timeline as to when we will start treatment towards another IUI.  I am wondering if there is more testing that I should be doing?  Getting more opinions?  Honestly I have been feeling really great off the medication so it would be really hard to "go back under" the whirlwind of hormones, but at the same time I don't know if I am doing the right thing.  It is driving me crazy!  Maybe instead of a "break" which isn't really a break with doing acupuncture and timing, I should take a real break. 

This is just not getting any easier!  Anyways, just thought I would vent a little bit.


PS.  Anyone reading 50 Shades of Grey?  I haven't yet, but plan to! :)

Monday, May 21, 2012

"Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me". -Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss

My sister-in-law sent me the book "Zen and the Art of Happiness" by Chris Prentiss.  The title is the main theme (quote) from the book that explains how to reach happiness in your life.  I'm still working on reading the rest of the book, I am about halfway through it.  It is definitely an interesting concept to think about. 

"Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me".
It goes on to talk about how no situation is good or bad, but how we react to it makes it that way.  I am still having a hard time grasping what this all means, if I agree with it and how anyone could possibly reset their mind to actually feel this way.  I can agree with everything happens for a reason, but that everything that happens is the best possible thing?  How can this be?  It is clear to mention it does not mean there is a little bit of good in every situation or good can come from a bad situation. 

I guess I better finish the book before I draw any final conclusions.



Thursday, May 17, 2012

Top 10 Reasons...

Okay instead of making this a really sad miserable post (how I feel) because AF once again showed up to ruin my day, I am going to make it a happy post about the

Top 10 Reasons I can be happy about AF showing up today.
  1. The delicious beer I am going to drink at our bean bag league tonight.
  2. I knew it was coming so I didn't wait to long to check and ruin my favorite underwear that I wore today.
  3. The beer(s) that I am going to drink tomorrow night at my campfire.
  4. The caffeine loaded latte I am going to get Saturday morning before headed to the music store to pick up so new sheet music.
  5. The amazing wine I am going to consume Saturday afternoon/night.
  6. The fact that I can blame my insane bitch-i-ness the past few days on PMS.
  7. The new catch phrase I want to introduce "My period made me do it!"
  8. Wearing my "fat pants" and not caring what people think.
  9. The fact that I won't have my period next week when I go up north and I can wear shorts (if there is nice weather) and not have that weird gross period feeling.
  10. Giving the next person who tells me they are pregnant the stink eye and saying... see #7
That's all folks!  I'm in limbo.  Do I continue acupuncture and taking herbs, do I completely take a break, do I save a little money and try another IUI?  I'm not going to make any decisions right now because my hormones are controlling my brain at this very moment.  I would love to hear any other funny ideas to add to my list... Today I feel like a masochist.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

IF Update

The update once again is that there is no update.  I'm just getting anxious as another month comes near to an end...or a beginning?  We are at the 12DPO (CD 30)  mark and you will be so proud of me this month, I have not taken a HPT yet!  This is good.  This means I am calm (sort of) and that I am not totally letting it consume my life (right at this moment it kind of is though).  I'm starting to understand what they mean by balanced Qi.  I have been doing weekly acupuncture and taking an herb called Maternal Herbal which I wrote about a few blog posts ago.

Anyways, what has been filling my time is work, gardening and learning to play my guitar.  I have mastered the E, A, B7, G and D7 chords.  I am working on C, Am and F.  I am starting to learn "Hotel California" by the Eagles!  It really does bring a great joy to my life to just sit and practice and play chords.  I'm really looking forward to playing and having it sound decent :).   My garden has had a really good start so far this year.  I planted lettuce, radish and onion early in March and have been enjoying them ever since!  I also took a little risk by planting my tomato plants that I had grown from seeds and last night lost about 1/2 of them to a naughty little bunny (my new arch nemisis). 

I have pictures to upload, but I just need to remember to do it!  Stay tuned.  Fingers crossed over the next couple of days that AF keeps away!


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Mixed Signs?

Do you look for signs in life?  I'm a big believer in that when I am not all worked up and crazy on hormones.  Now that I am not I have again been looking for signs in life.  Signs that we are on the right path.  Signs that everything will be okay.  Signs that what is meant to be is meant to be.  This weekend I noticed some mixed signals.  My husband and I went down the visit the in-laws (his family).

The first sign I noticed was a beautiful amazing symbol of freedom, independence and strength.  Driving with my sister-in-law from the in-law's farm into town a bald eagle flew up from the ditch as we drove by.  I have never seen one that close up!  It was amazing and gave me the chills. 

Later that even a "not-so-amazing" sign, no I wouldn't even call it a sign.  We went to the casino for a little bit to relax and do a little gambling.  I had been waiting on my favorite slot machine, Wizard of Oz :) and as I go to sit down I see right next to me this 7-8 month pregnant woman, sitting on her boyfriends lap passing back and forth a cigarette.  Are you kidding me!?  Now I'm going to be honest and not say that I am not one to judge because I am in this case, but I couldn't help but get the overwhelming feeling that life sometimes is just not fair.  Why them and not me.  You could really tell how in love they were by how after each push of the button they had to pause and kiss each other, or could it be the short amount of time they had actually been together that they were still doing silly things like sitting on each other's laps in public and kissing every 30 seconds.  Hey, I said I was going to be judgemental didn't I?

Thankfully last night as I was working away in my garden I could again see the beautiful sign of life growing all around me.  The iris and lilacs blooming, my lettuce growing, radish and onion.   I couldn't help but feel energized by the life and growth all around me and let go of my judgements.

What signs do you see in life?


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Another Depressing Milestone

It is so easy to think of all the depressing milestones when you are infertile like how many months/years (32 months) it has been that you have been trying, how old your baby would be if you had conceived when you first started trying (almost 2 years old) (and even more depressing for those who have miscarried) and for me this month's depressing milestone is one year since we began seeking medical treatment for our infertility.

I wish there was something positive to write about, but this has just been on my mind the past few days.  PLEASE someone insert happy thoughts below!