Medicated CD4 Monitoring

Thank you for today's video Ludacris...LOL

I felt a little road rage in rush hour traffic on the way to my 7:45 appointment this morning.  Maybe some hormones are starting to kick in?  I am already started to feel bloated.  So anyways...the appointment.  It went well.  I think!?  I saw the results online Estradiol 192, Progesterone .45.  I got the results but no feedback??  I have a call and a message into the nurse.  I think they told me no news is good news so I have no choice but to go with that and continue as I have been.

The nurse counted 20 follicles on my L and 22 on my right.  This number will be going down and a certain number will start to grow as others back off.  This is right where I should be.  She told me the Estradiol should be higher than last appointment, but under 500.  Good there.  So I am happy, bloated, but happy.

In other news items, I decided on which job I want!  Now I have to decide which of the 3 compensation programs I want to take.  I don't want to get to specific about this job until I have given formal notice at work.  So hang tight and in a couple weeks I will spill the details.  My next appointment is Sunday morning!

Julie

CD4? Medicated CD3

Here is my video for today:

I'm sorry I just had to.  Although these type of shots would be more fun than the ones I am dealing with, I'm finding they really aren't that bad.  Last night it only took me 15 minutes and that includes the time it took me to prep for today's shots.

In other news, in the past 2 days I gotten TWO job offers!   TWO!  (Maybe TWO will be my number this year ;)

Anyways, so I have to review both offers and make a decision on what I want to do.  There are so many things to look at to make my decision and of course timing right now is critical.  Things are so much more complicated now and I know things will only get more complicated once we have our baby/ies so the timing will never be perfect.  I have a lot to think about!

First u/s tomorrow morning!

Julie

Grow Follies Grow!!!

Today's song is brought to you by Jason Aldean :).  This song has made me cry about 100 times in the last 3 years.  If you listen to the entire thing you will know why.  However, this song also makes me hopeful that someday Dick and I can laugh until we cry about this whole ordeal.

So I did my first injections last night!  Let me tell you I was nervous and it took forever.  I wasn't nervous about the actual act of giving the shot, but the mixing and measuring was scary.  A dumb mistake could cause hundreds of dollars so you have to be careful!  The Follistim comes in a vial which you put into the Follistim pen.  Not too big of a deal especially now that it is done.  I only have to change the vial every few days.  The Menopur was kind of a pain.  It comes in two vials and you have to mix them and change needles 3 times.  Overall, not too bad though and not very painful...yet.  By the end of the week I think I will be a professional.  The PIO is what scares me.  I'll explain that more once I am actually taking it.

My first u/s is going to be this Thursday morning.  Until then GROW FOLLIES GROW!

Julie

It is ON!!!

I'm going to continue with the theme of the sound track playing in the background of my life.  There is nothing more perfect right now than "Eye of the Tiger".  I had my baseline this morning and everything looked good to go.  It is ON!!! Follistim 125 and Menopur 75 for the next 3 days (including today) and my next u/s is Thursday at 7:45 AM.

My appointment was a rather interesting one.  I had a retired nurse (who was back helping) and two newbies.  Yes 4 people to help with the u/s, trial transfer (ouch!!) and blood draw.  Oh well at this point who hasn't seen my lady parts?  I couldn't help but laugh because they were all so sweet and I was so grumpy.  I guess getting things jammed up my hoo-ha first thing on a Monday morning was enough excuse to be grumpy .  Anyways, let it begin...

Julie

UPDATE - it just took me over 50 minutes to take both shots.  I had to reteach myself how everything needed to be done. Tomorrow will go much quicker fingers crossed.

IVF #1 Basline Appt. #2

Time to get pumped back up.  I thought I'd be a little cliche and throw out a little Kelly Clarkson.  Its time again to kick some infertility butt!  AF arrived this weekend after all those goofy symptoms.  Still not much of a surprise, but can't help be a little bummed out.  I will call first thing tomorrow morning and see if I can get in tomorrow for another blood test and ultrasound baseline appointment.  I feel much less anxious about this so maybe it is a good thing.  Maybe I can be calm?  (Probably not.)

Anyways...something has changed lately.  I don't know what it is.  It is good, but I can't put my finger on it.  I have a whole new attitude.  Life is moving forward.  I don't feel so...stuck.  I've done so many things over the last week that I have been meaning to do for years....yes you read that right...years.  People have noticed that my attitude has changed.  There is a part of me that feels like the old me (me before infertility), but now wiser and stronger.  I'm loving it!  However...I know that it is going to be short lived.  The hormones will catch back up with me and the real me will be back in hiding for awhile.  No need to worry, she will be safe and she will be back!  Wish me luck!  Here's to getting back up started...hurrah!

Julie

I Fell In Love...

He was so beautiful from the moment I laid eyes on him.  He just sat there staring at me from across the room.  I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  He was mysterious, different than all the others.  I was worried because I haven't felt this kind of lust for anything other than my husband in years...I was overcome with guilt.  I couldn't stop myself.  I walked over to him a bit shy at first then more flirty.  I lightly brushed him with my finger tips.  I giggled.  It was nothing like I have ever felt before.  Sitting next to him was his friend. Perhaps a wing man?  He was smaller, but just as attractive.  I couldn't bring myself to leave them.  I just sat there in pure joy.  I sat until I couldn't stand it anymore and I called my husband.  He laughed at me...told me NO...but I just had to.  I had to have him.

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Julie

That Damn Dr. Google

Let me start by saying I am a google addict.  Ouch I stubbed my toe, let's check google to see if I should do anything that will help.  I peed and it smells funny, better ask Dr. Google why.  Okay yes, I admit it!  I'm addicted.  However Dr. Google does not make life any easier by finishing your sentences with

What the hell!  I was trying to be secretive.  Nope can't trick Dr. Google.  He knows you aren't looking up PMS remedies...you are looking up early pregnancy symptoms.  Sucker!!! Everything is an early pregnancy symptom!

What is wrong with me?  I know I can't be pregnant.  We have been trying for more months than I can count anymore and starting IVF next month.  Yet, here I am CD30, 9DPO still googling my silly "sharp twinges cramps" in hopes it is an early pregnancy symptom JUST IN CASE a miracle happened.

I guess you just really never give up hope in miracles, but I should be smarter than that by now.

So I wait.

Julie

Things are a-changin!

Hence the reason for going PRIVATE for awhile.  So I might as well get started.   I have been pretty unhappy at my current position at work for quite some time.  I enjoy what I am doing, but certain circumstances have made me feel ready to reach out and start looking for new opportunities...so I have been.  Probably since last November I started sending out my resume and applying for various jobs.  Up until after the first of the year I heard NOTHING back.  Then it seemed in the past month or so I have been doing an interview almost once per week and looking at similar jobs to what I am currently doing (advertising sales) and looking also at an outside sales position.

Well I just heard back that I will be getting an offer for the outside sales position this week!!!  I'm so excited!   It is almost like going out and interviewing has given me this new confidence like I can be more, and do more then what I am currently doing.  I do have options!!!  I haven't felt this good in ages. So that is my little secret and I will be keeping you posted as I hear more...and yes, I am in fact crazy for looking for new jobs while being so close to undergoing IVF.  Quick update, approximately CD29 and expecting AF around Saturday unless my ovulation calculation was off.  Either way I will probably be getting started very soon!

On to my weekend.  I was a little apprehensive about the weekend.  Another private thing I can finally share is that my in-laws do not know about our IVF plan.  The reason is that they do not approve of any fertility treatments so we made a decision to keep our fertility plans private from them.  I was so upset upon finding out of their disapproval I have not visited them in over 8 months (since June of last year).  I have come to terms with it and know that we have so many others who are there to support us that while it is sad they aren't going to be there for us in this journey, we have plenty of others who will be...including all of you!

So instead of just dreading this visit I made a plan!  A plan to make this trip more of a mini-vacation for myself and find things that I like to do rather than sitting around getting the third degree from the in-laws.  Friday was also fun we went out for Dick's birthday for dinner and gambling!  Here are some pictures and what I did:

Saturday morning I got up and went to "town" (Platteville, WI) and had already found a coffee shop online that i wanted to stop in at.  I had a chai tea latte and a poppy seed muffin (my favorite!) so I sat and read my book.

Next I went and got a manicure while I sipped on my latte!

My next big adventure was to climb the "M".  It is difficult to see in winter, but here will give you an idea:

If you look close you can see the outline through the snow in this picture.

I made it but it was cold and windy!

...but the scenery was worth it.

Saturday night we went out on the "town"!  The town consists of a bar and a church :).  We chose the bar.

Lady got in a nap.

Sunday we went for a drive and had some fun with Instagram...

...it was beautiful.

Sunday we flip flopped our  guest bedroom and office.

There is still a lot of work to do, but I love it!

Talk about share overload!  Hope you enjoyed and had a great weekend!

Julie

Early Valentine

Valentines Day is a different kind of holiday for us.  Usually it is the man's responsibility to make Valentines Day special for his lady.  Not in the Goss household because Valentines Day is also the birthday of a certain Richard Goss.  So that puts me in charge.  I didn't know what to get him so I decided to do something more thoughtful rather than spend a bunch of money (especially since we don't have much these days).  So I created a photo book with all the pictures of us from the past NINE years and wrote a poem.  Get ready for a Dick & Julie overload!!

Another funny thing is that we never give each other presents on the actual day because neither of us can wait so he already got it last night!

Love is different between you and me

It may be difficult for others to see.

It isn’t our interests that cause us to attract;

We aren’t the same and that’s a fact.

You wonder why I strive to be thin

When in your eyes its curves that are “in”.

Jewels and makeup to you don’t matter

Jeans and a t-shirt do just as well to flatter.

Romance to you isn’t about glitter and rings

It’s taking the time to enjoy all the small things.

Our love isn’t about similarities, not one bit,

You and I are like a puzzle with pieces that fit.

Julie

I lied! I need your email address...

So I should have looked at this closer.  You officially have one more week to Come Follow Me!  I guess I have to invite each person by email address that I want to be able to view my blog.  So please if you would like to continue to follow send me your email address to julie.goss@hotmail.com and I will send you an invite.  I don't know why I can't just choose to let my followers view, but whatever.  We will give this a shot!

Julie

Updates, Life, Etc.

I'm going to give my final TMI warning.  My entire blog is TMI...LOL.  Get over it, if you are still here reading I am no longer going to warn you.  hehe...I warned you so...here goes...I may have ovulated over the weekend, but at this point I am not sure.  It is getting really late in my cycle and it is a little concerning!  Today is CD21 and usually I have been ovulating CD18.  If it happened when I think it happened it would have been CD19, but other signs such as my CM aren't being consistent with that date.  Normally I would have "dried" up by now.   Fingers crossed it happened on Saturday it will give me 14 days until I go back for another baseline appointment (approx Feb 23).

This week is the Mr's Birthday on Valentines day.  I am a lousy wife and have done nothing to prepare for this.  I keep asking and he tells me not to do anything.  I feel like if I don't do anything he will be disappointed.  We will be down by the in-laws this weekend.  I guess I still have a few days to cook something up.  I'm sure I will think of something unless you have any ideas!?

Julie

Hey Who Is Running The Show Here?

Sometimes IF causes you to believe that a lot of the control is taken away from you.  You can't control your body and therefore you feel sometimes like you can't control your life.  It almost feels like your uterus begins to run the show because she decides when your cycle starts, she decides when it ends.  You find yourself going crazy because you are pleading with your uterus!  You get mad at her.  "Why oh why did you form a cyst this month?", "How could you let my period show up again?"  You think giving her the silent treatment thinking maybe that will get her to cave.

This has become ever more clear to me lately when I find myself letting my uterus control life decisions.  Should I plan a vacation, well... what if my uterus decides she wants to be pregnant by then.  What if she decides to ovulate this weekend and I need to be home, ... what if she decides to let my period start and I will be an emotional mess.

We just spent $15,000 on my uterus and she can't even cooperate.  Now I have a refrigerator full of meds.  a maxed out credit card and still nothing to show for it.  Thanks a lot fricken uterus.  You just want to tell her...forget it!  I don't need you anymore, but you do.  So she gets to run the show.  She makes the decisions.

Julie

Baby Boom...sigh

Okay is it just me or is EVERYONE having babies?  Everywhere I look there are pregnant women and babies and it makes trying to take a month off and NOT think about babies and being pregnant very difficult.    Maybe it is because of the age that I am at, or maybe it is because now I notice it more because we have been trying for so long to have a baby, but come on people!  I feel like I am getting out numbered!!!

Facebook is the worst.  I've heard it called Fertilebook because it is a place people tend to showcase things like ultrasounds, growing bellies and baby pictures.  I tend to be a bit obnoxious and post large amounts of photographs of my "babies" too:

There...now I don't feel so left out.  Gosh, its like having a baby is the "in" thing.  I guess I usually tend to jump on trends once they are on their way out the door.  Could this be one of those things?  Once it is no longer the cool thing to do, I can finally have mine?

Anyways, just to update you I am CD15 (usually expect between a 31-34 day cycle) and then I go back in for another blood test and hopefully I will be cyst free and ready to get started.  It honestly can not come quick enough.

On the bright side of things I have officially lost 7.4 pounds in a month since I began a health contest with some family and friends.  So I've got that going for me...

Julie