Christian Grey Did My U/S This Morning!

Oh what a day to have my U/S!  Everyone at the doctor's office had dressed up and I had "Christian Grey" do my U/S this morning.  "Oh My!" LOL!  My regular doctor wasn't in yet since it was so early.  It was good luck:

For all you lucky dogs who don't know what this means let me explain.  L1-L5 is my left ovary and the follicles are what are growing that hold the eggs.  The 1 and 2 across the top are the dimensions of the follicle and the mean is the size.  So you would read this that I have 3 follicles on my left ovary and 2 on the right. Yes indeed, FIVE FOLLICLES!  The size when they are good to go for ovulation is around 18+ so "Christian" told me I should have 3-4 ready to go by time I trigger on Friday night.  Then I have my IUI on Sunday morning.  Since it is taking place in November I will lovingly refer to the IUI moving forward as "getting basted" in honor of Thanksgiving.  :)  The most follicles ready to go in the past has been 3.  I have been extremely crampy the past week or so and knew something had to be going on in there.  This is great news!

I have also made the decision that this will be my last "basting" either way.  Hopefully I will be pregnant and not have to worry about it or we will move on to more aggressive treatment in 2013.  Please keep me in your prayers and hope lucky #3 is it!

Julie

Holy Yin Deficiency

Alright, you all know that I have been seeing an acupuncturist (I truly feel that it is helping) and reading about Eastern Medicine, but I came across something that was a shocker.   First let me tell you about my acupuncture appointment last night... 

SIDE NOTE: I am taking Letrozole/Femara which prevents the aromatose from producing estrogen.  I have all these crazy side effects like I am a woman going through menopause.  Hot flashes, headaches, achy joints, mood swings, and on and on and on!!!

Anyways, I was able to feel so relaxed this time and it actually felt like my body was so heavy that I kept wiggling my fingers to make sure I still had control of them.  Amazing!  I've had a couple needles fall out the past two times.  The first time was Friday when I was feeling overly emotional and acu-lady told me that the point that had fallen out was one of the strongest points for emotions.  Same thing last night when I went in I had a headache and the point that fell out was a strong point for relaxation and headache relief.  I don't know what that means, but I feel like it is kind of interesting!


After reviewing all my symptoms and checking my tongue, pulse and talking with me acu-lady told me that she thinks I have a Yin deficiency.  After doing my own research I agree.  So feeling pretty happy about everything I have learned and excited to move forward this month I come across this SHOCKER in the book that I am reading (The Infertility Cure by Dr. Randine Lewis)


Basically, the medication I take raises the Yang energy and depletes the Yin which is why all the side effects occur (hot flashes, headaches, mood swings).  The book says if a person is already Yin deficient (ME) you are more at risk for having these side effects and your body can’t adapt to the Yang increasing effects of the medication. 

"Clomid can actually deplete a woman’s fertility, and she will most likely be in the great majority of patients who do not become pregnant on Clomid.” 

I am taking Femara, but very similar to the effects of Clomid.  I'm not a doctor or anything, but this seems to make a lot of sense to me and it scares me!  You better believe that I am going to be talking to acu-lady about this on Wednesday.  It will just prove her point even more that I shouldn't be on any medications.  However, my thought though to hopefully to save this cycle is that if I can balance my Yin I could still have a really awesome chance this month of success.  I just don't know if I can balance my Yin that quickly.

You may be thinking...Julie, you have gone off the deep end!  BUT - I wouldn't be as interested in this stuff if I didn't think it was doing something after my last three visits.  Anyways...I just thought this was really interesting stuff and IF it works out it may be of help to other at some point.

Julie

Here we go again...Month 30

..but who is counting right.  This weekend was a little less than wonderful with AF showing up Friday ending my cycle.  A little bit of a scare Saturday which may have turned out to be a possible ruptured cyst and a laundry list of setting up the meds. and appointments for the new cycle.  I am trying so hard to stay positive and be happy, but with such a rough weekend and then everyone and their pregnant sister showing up at Menards on Sunday, I am having a rough time.

Thankfully I am starting acupunture TODAY! I told her my number one thing is STRESS relief.  She said she can hopefully do that and more.

Here is what this month looks like for those who like to keep track:

3/18 - 3/27 Letrozole 125mg CD 3-12
3/19 - acupunture appointment #1
TBD - acupunture appointment #2
3/31 - ultrasound appointment
TBD - ovidrel shot
TBD - IUI#1
TBD - TWW
TBD - Results

As usual, please keep me in your prayers this month.  I celebrate the big *28* this Friday and hopefully can put aside some of this stuff and actually enjoy myself.  Happy Monday All.

Julie

I Feel Like a "Hot Mess"

No literally!  I just wanted to give a quick update on our treatments for this month.  I started taking 125 mg of Letrozole (Femara) CD 3-5 and last time I had taken this I was only taking 50 mg so the only side effects I noticed were just my mood swings.  Now I am noticing the HOT HOT HOT Flashes, acne and mood swings so I just feel like a total "Hot Mess"! 

The funny thing is I have been getting the hot flashes when I feel nervous or excited so the past few days have been pretty interesting.  The first one came when I went bowling with a couple of my friends, and the second showed up in the check out line at Pic'N Save (boy I get nervous when they are ringing up those coupons...LOL) and then a few in between.  The last one started up during (MOM stop reading here...LOL) what turned out to be not-so-romantic reunion when the hubby returned home from being away for the weekend (hey baby, I am sweating like a pig and my face looks like a 13 year old going through puberty...but you wanna wink, wink!)

So anyways, I am also getting ready to take a work/vacation trip to Vegas at the end of this month and going to fit the IUI in before we leave, as long as everything goes well.

I have an ultrasound (WHAT?! yes, they have you come in for an ultrasound to see how your follicles are growing and how many) this week and I am hoping this will give us a little more information on everything going on "in there".  Then the doc will let us know when to take the Ovidrel shot to hopefully spark ovulation and then back in for the IUI.  I can only imagine the party that will be going on in my uterus while we are in Vegas and then back home for the rest of the 2 week wait.  So hopefully what happens in Vegas...nestles in and starts to grow!  I plan on pep talking my eggs and encouraging them to let go and make bad decisions while on vacation!  LOL!

Julie

Moving Right Along - IUI

I hope you are ready for an IF update, I know I sure am.  I had my first appointment with my new doctor (aka RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist).  After reviewing our charts she said there was no doubt in her mind that we are ready to step it up and move forward with IUI.  Just to review, we have been working on makin' babies for just over two years now (27 months). In June 2011-November 2011 I started taking Letrozole and still no babies.

The next plan of action is IUI in February (we are already too late for this month) on high dose Letrozole, 11 day ultrasound (here they will check how many follicles are growing and also get an estimated number of total eggs to determine my fertility lifespan), Trigger shot (Ovidrel) to force ovulation and then IUI.  When I say high dose I mean FIVE PILLS per day when I was only taking two before. Risk of twins is 8%, risk of triplets is >1%.  

We are in for a wild ride the next few months.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we move forward in our IF treatment.

Drug-Free December

WHAT!?  Okay please do not get the wrong idea about this.  If you have read my previous posts you will know I am on a fertility drug that makes me a little, okay a lot hormonal.  Moving forward with our plan in December includes taking a month off from the drug!  Hooray right!?  The holidays are wonderful in my book and normally I get so caught up in other things that in the past I haven't gotten too emotional, but who knows how I will react given my situation this year.  Crossing my fingers I can be strong and in control of my emotions this year (for my husbands sake).

Anyways, hopefully I can let my mind go on a little vacation in December from the worry and pain of IF, deal with my one little test (HSG) and enjoy everything else the holiday's have to offer.

We put our tree up this past Sunday and the house is already feeling festive.  We had one "bulb" incident with our puppy Lady who likes to chew on everything!  We are also wondering whether she is actually eating the tree?  I guess we will find out soon enough.  She already has eaten one of my house plants so I won't put it past her. 

Other exciting news is the arrival of my second niece Amelia Jean into the world 11/28/11 and we are so excited!  Anyways, hopefully one of these days I will post some pictures of our holiday decorations!  Until then, enjoy the holiday season and everything it has to offer!

Julie

Quick Update...don't get your hopes up.

Happy Friday Everyone!  Not that anybody is waiting at the edge of their seats or anything, but I wanted to update you about my doctors appointment on August 31st to discuss our options for..."what next" in my battle (at least that is what it feels like) against infertility.

I asked Dick if he would come along with me and he had the day off so he could come.  We got to the appointment on time, but since they have a new computer system they seemed backed up, not that anybody mentioned that we needed to expect a wait.  So we sat in the waiting room and watched countless 7-8 months along pregnant women bustle in and out.  Oddly none of them looked happy or excited.  This was odd to me.  I guess going to the doctor is never an exciting thing and I don't know their story so maybe I should just shut up.  One that really stuck out in my mind was this had to be 16-18 year old girl who was so pregnant she looked like she was going to fall forward with how small she was and how big her belly was.  She was just strutting around the reception room back and forth between what I assume was her boyfriend and the front desk lady.  The boyfriend did not look at all happy to be there.

Such wonderful blessings these people have been given and not one of them seemed happy about it.  Then again, I shouldn't judge because I don't know their situation, but it is hard not to.  Anyways, the deal is we waited about 45 minutes and finally about the time we were ready to find out what was going on.  They called my name and we went back.  I tried to plead my case about the pills and how moody, bipolar and crazy they made me, but she reasoned with me that everything seemed to be getting on a regular cycle and getting through this will all be worth it.  I had to agree.  Three more months on the pills, the tracking, timing everything out and then we will discuss what we want to do.  She is going to recommend IUI.  I said, I hope we don't need it.  The end.

I am looking forward to a nice weekend away to do a little hunting (opening bow hunting season), spending time with the in-laws, and preparing yet another naive young woman to join the MRS. GOSS club.  (Kate if you are reading this that is only a joke ;)

Julie

REJECTION...isn't always "no" forever

One thing I have learned in my advertising sales career is that even though you get a lot of rejections, those rejections don't always mean no forever.  Most of the time it is more like, NO (not right now), NO (I'm too busy to talk), NO (until I get fired and replaced by someone who will say yes...this is my favorite) or NO (I'm not even the right person to be talking to in the first place.)

With this thought I can compare them to my problems with infertility.  Dealing with the emotions of rejection each month is very much like being told NO on a sales call.  Most of the time with a sales call you hang up, get over it and make the next phone call, but take what you learned from the previous and apply it to the next.  Each NO is one step closer to the next yes.  You can't really control what the person on the other line is going to say much like you can't control when you body decides to get pregnant. 

Okay...where am I going with this?  Over the past 23 months I have learned a lot of things that do not work for me.  I am still in the middle of my 3rd and final month on Letrozole and finally realized that the added stress of the drug messing with my hormones is not for me.  Not only has it not worked up to this point, but in my opinion has made dealing with everything more difficult.  My husband refers to it as the hormone rollercoaster and it has made me do and say some pretty crazy things that I wouldn't normally and for the most part I haven't felt like Julie the past 3 months.  While I am still in this 100% and my feelings haven't changed about what I want, I feel like I need to go about my "treatment" differently.  I have my check-in with the doctor next week and will hopefully be able to discuss some alternative treatments.

In addition I am going to add "Restoring Fertility" which is a Yoga Infertility DVD to my routine.

Your prayers, luck, wishes, good juju are always welcome, until next time "Namaste".


Julie

Decisions...decisions

Warning...this post may contain information that could be considered "TMI"

I am back on the topic of infertility and the time is coming again where I will find out if I need to start buying diapers or decide how to continue on my "treatment" if thats what you want to call it.  I hate that word because it almost makes me feel as though there is something wrong with me or I am not quite right.  August will be my 3rd month of Letrozole and my next doctors visit is August 31st.  I had hoped that I wouldn't need to make a decision like this since the doctor assured me in most cases this is all it usually takes.  I still hope she is right, but maybe I am not usual.

The next step we spoke about at my first doctors appointment was to do IUI.  I am still not sure how I feel about that.  It seems so unnatural.  I guess the feeling of not being in control of your body is unnatural.

I am considering trying a more wholistic treatment before I got the IUI route, acupuncture, massage, vitamins...I guess I am just trying to be proactive instead of reactive.  I am too much of an emotional mess to make these kind of decisions when the time comes to make them. I have come to the point where it is very hard to stay positive because if the test doesn't have to be (+) I don't either anymore.  I guess maybe it just makes the disappointment easier.

Anways, these are many of the things that are stirring around in my mind as I try to get through each day preparing myself emotionally for another month of disappointment.  Please feel free to leave "constructive" comments.  I don't need to hear anything more about being patient, it will happen when it is right, reminding me I am still young, or telling me to just relax..I did that the first 22 months and look how well that worked out.

I'm looking more for types of herbal treatments, acupunturists in the area or other alternatives.  Feel free to remain anonymous or email me instead at julie.goss@hotmail.com .

Julie

You can't always have what you want...right when you want it.

Hello everyone!

I know it has been awhile, but as usual summer has started sucking up all my free time and this heat...well  99 degrees out as we "speak" (read...write...whatever!?) is making everything difficult.  Its like when everything shuts down in Florida when it snows, I think everything should shut down in Wisconsin when the temp. goes above 90 degrees.

Anyways the weather is totally irrelevant to this blog post.  I may just be procrastinating because this is a very difficult blog post, but I finally decided I wanted to write about it.  Well here goes:

What the heck is this Julie?  This room to me represents a dream, a wish, a want.  This is the "spare" bedroom in my house.  What do I mean? 

Many of you do not know that we have been trying to start a family now for the past two years and so far unsuccessfully.  I have been through a lot of frustration and disappointment over this and also learned a lot since my first "check up" with the doctor on May 20th this year to find out ...what the heck is wrong with me that something so natural, so normal has become so difficult
(sad, frustrating, terrible, upsetting...).

What I learned though since that doctors appointment is that I am not alone!

 Almost 1 out of 6-7 people have problems with fertility. 

It is such a private topic (even though I am now blabbing it to the entire web) but it is actually very common!  There is entire communities on the internet and support groups, I am pretty sure there is even an entire language for us "infertiles".  (http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/general-infertility/704976-list-infertility-acronyms.html)

The result of the doctors appointment was that we are two very healthy people and we fall somewhere into the mystery category that the "blame" (can't think of a better word for this) doesn't fall on either of our shoulders.  However, they put me on a medication called letrozole to help things along.

 Back to the photograph of the spare bedroom...I spend a lot of time lost in thought and hope that someday it might become a nursery.  Until then I will keep taking my perscribed medication (Letrozole) aka crazy pills (they make me very moody) and keep you updated with any progress/news.

Please feel free to ask me questions or share your own story and check back often!

Julie

PS.  Hopefully this weekend some pictures to come on a few garden/landscaping projects.