More Chances for Opportunity or Disappoinment?

Hello there readers!  Today I am fighting with myself because yet another month has come and gone with no sign of baby.  In fact this month my "thing" (I no longer can handle calling it my "friend") showed up four days earlier than last month.  This comes as good news and bad news.  The fact that I used to have between a 35-36 day cycle and now it is more like 30-32, but this month was the exception at 28 days.  That is like...woah...normal!  "Glass half full" says more opportunities to get pregnant, "glass half empty" tells me more sadness and disappointment.  This month marks the two year anniversary of "trying" with no success.

The math says at 28 days that gives us 13 "opportunities" per year while 36 days is more like 10.  At this rate though it feels like just 3 more times per year to be really bummed out.  I can't say 100% why this month was so short, but I did begin using the fertility DVD "Restoring Fertility" this month and based on the reviews, others have said it helps keep your cycle regular.  The month is split up into four sections that follow your cycle very closely.  This not only helps you stay in tune with your body, but also sets your mind with the right attitude at the appropriate time of the month.  The DVD calls this setting your intention.

So...today I struggle, I feel the disappointment and that allows me to mourn the loss of the baby I never had last month and look forward to the opportunity that next month brings.  I realized there is no getting around the rollercoaster infertility brings.  There is always next month.

Julie

REJECTION...isn't always "no" forever

One thing I have learned in my advertising sales career is that even though you get a lot of rejections, those rejections don't always mean no forever.  Most of the time it is more like, NO (not right now), NO (I'm too busy to talk), NO (until I get fired and replaced by someone who will say yes...this is my favorite) or NO (I'm not even the right person to be talking to in the first place.)

With this thought I can compare them to my problems with infertility.  Dealing with the emotions of rejection each month is very much like being told NO on a sales call.  Most of the time with a sales call you hang up, get over it and make the next phone call, but take what you learned from the previous and apply it to the next.  Each NO is one step closer to the next yes.  You can't really control what the person on the other line is going to say much like you can't control when you body decides to get pregnant. 

Okay...where am I going with this?  Over the past 23 months I have learned a lot of things that do not work for me.  I am still in the middle of my 3rd and final month on Letrozole and finally realized that the added stress of the drug messing with my hormones is not for me.  Not only has it not worked up to this point, but in my opinion has made dealing with everything more difficult.  My husband refers to it as the hormone rollercoaster and it has made me do and say some pretty crazy things that I wouldn't normally and for the most part I haven't felt like Julie the past 3 months.  While I am still in this 100% and my feelings haven't changed about what I want, I feel like I need to go about my "treatment" differently.  I have my check-in with the doctor next week and will hopefully be able to discuss some alternative treatments.

In addition I am going to add "Restoring Fertility" which is a Yoga Infertility DVD to my routine.

Your prayers, luck, wishes, good juju are always welcome, until next time "Namaste".


Julie