I lose when it comes to being patient

I was told by several intelligent people not to do this, but I tested with an HPT anyway this morning (12DPO) and surprise...surprise NEGATIVE.  The crappy thing is that I had a dream right before I woke up that I had taken a test and it came back not only positive, but the test somehow had all these other cool stats that when I woke up I realized didn't really mean anything. So then I was so happy and excited only to be smacked with reality.  It is still a few days early, so anything is possible, but I have lost 99% of my hope this month.  Today's symptoms include more cramping and mood swings. My temp. dropped a few tenths of a degree which is not a good sign.

I will wait another day and if the red lady doesn't show up I will try testing again Friday.  Those HPT's should really be put behind lock and key so I can't do this to myself.

Man IF sucks the life out of me!

Julie

More Chances for Opportunity or Disappoinment?

Hello there readers!  Today I am fighting with myself because yet another month has come and gone with no sign of baby.  In fact this month my "thing" (I no longer can handle calling it my "friend") showed up four days earlier than last month.  This comes as good news and bad news.  The fact that I used to have between a 35-36 day cycle and now it is more like 30-32, but this month was the exception at 28 days.  That is like...woah...normal!  "Glass half full" says more opportunities to get pregnant, "glass half empty" tells me more sadness and disappointment.  This month marks the two year anniversary of "trying" with no success.

The math says at 28 days that gives us 13 "opportunities" per year while 36 days is more like 10.  At this rate though it feels like just 3 more times per year to be really bummed out.  I can't say 100% why this month was so short, but I did begin using the fertility DVD "Restoring Fertility" this month and based on the reviews, others have said it helps keep your cycle regular.  The month is split up into four sections that follow your cycle very closely.  This not only helps you stay in tune with your body, but also sets your mind with the right attitude at the appropriate time of the month.  The DVD calls this setting your intention.

So...today I struggle, I feel the disappointment and that allows me to mourn the loss of the baby I never had last month and look forward to the opportunity that next month brings.  I realized there is no getting around the rollercoaster infertility brings.  There is always next month.

Julie