Okay so I knew that this was coming...this "anxiety" about my upcoming laparoscopy on September 19th. For whatever reason it hit me this Sunday as I was having a great time with my friends at a water park in Wisconsin Dells. I looked down at my stomach and thought.."oh..next summer there will be a scar there." Then I began to think about the specifics, being put under, the incision into my mid-section, the scope going in. What if they go in and don't find anything!?? What will I do? Why oh why did I have to start thinking about this already!? This is how my mind works.
Lately, I have had a few people - (my therapist, my boss and my husband) say that I need to focus on the here and now, the day to day. I need to give the BIG PICTURE a break and look at what I am doing now, but I am not programmed that way. I like to think 5 steps ahead of where I am at and for our specific circumstance which I have no control of (infertility) I am not able to think that way. I guess the only thing I can do is try to create some short term goals each month (anyone read the "Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin? similar idea to what she does).
So...starting in September I am hoping to do just that, "Goals for September". I will create 5 specific attainable goals for myself and share them with you here on my blog. At the start of the new month I will go back and give you my progress report and my new goals for the following month. I am going to keep them in a little notebook/journal that I will keep with me in my purse and when I start getting anxious about the future, I can refer to my 5 goals. My 5 things that I will be able to control. See you in September!