Thursday, September 27, 2012

"Don't Take INFERTILITY Personally"

When I first heard "Don't take infertility personally" I immediately wanted to slap the person that said it.  (It was my therapist...)  So many thoughts went through my head..."what?, how is that even possible, why would I want to think that way?"  Infertility is sooooo personal, it is happening to me, right now, I am going through this, I am suffering.  I have to deal with the loss.  How can I not dwell on the "why is this happening to me?" "what did I do to deserve this?" etc...etc...etc...

That is when it hit me...what IF I didn't take infertility personally?  How would I feel?  How would that change the way I thought about it.  It really got me thinking!  (Thank goodness I didn't slap the poor lady!)  She wasn't saying it to be ignorant or to try and tell me how to feel about it, but just to get me thinking.  If I didn't take infertility personally how would that change me?  Could I be happier?  How would I feel differently?

Infertility is a disease, nobody deserves to get it.  Spending my time trying to figure out why it is happening to me or dwelling on ignorant things people say isn't going to make me happy.  What if I took the time I was dwelling on those things and instead spent it on things that do make me happy?  Wait...there are still things that make me happy right?

Now I know this might sound like crazy talk or you actually may want to slap me, but here is an example . . .

You just got your period after your second IUI, the world is collapsing all around you right?  You wipe your tears and slap on some makeup because you have to attend your husband's cousins wedding reception that evening.  You look like hell, but you don't care because you are going to drink yourself silly anyways.  You show up at the reception and the first thing that happens when you show up is you bump into your husband third cousin who smiles and rubs her gigantic pregnant belly.  You want to cry, you want to die...why oh why her and not me? You start to fall apart...

FREEZE

Okay...you are doing it!  You are taking infertility personally.  It isn't her fault you are infertile, she didn't get pregnant to spite you.  Now you could run to the bathroom, cry yourself silly and go on to drink the night away until you are a mess on the floor.  (Pretty sure I have done that at some point.)  OR you can think about how this whole thing works.  How can I take this situation and use it to make me happy?  Is that possible?  Could I think about my future and how happy I will be walking around weddings bumping into people when I am gigantic pregnant?  Seriously that is a question, is it possible to think that way?

Anyways, I'm going to give it a try.  I'm going to try and turn the situations that set me off (pregnancy announcements, unexpected preggos at the store, stupid ignorant comments) and figure out how I can turn them into something that makes me happy.  Wish me luck because I am pretty sure this is impossible, but it may just help me get through another 2WW without losing it or a family reunion without punching someone.

Julie

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I love this post. It is a new way to look at everything and getting all worked up hasn't impacted the random people that upset me so I shouldn't waste my energy. Just found your blog and love it.