Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Click to Unfriend

So I have to admit I have been lazy.  I promised I would share my 2013 goals with you and I have yet to get on that.  I realize February is just around the corner and will do my best to get those up.  In the meantime I want to focus on one of my goals that I know will be extremely difficult for me this year.

Goal: Reconnect with old friends worth connecting with and let others go that aren't worth holding on to. 

Honestly, this is harsh.  It is much easier to just click unfriend or hide on facebook, but to make a conscious decision to let old friends go is very hard.  I truly believe each person you meet makes an impact on your life (whether good or bad) and that makes you who you are today.  However, people grow up and sometimes that means growing apart.  This is a normal part of life and you can't stay best friends or even stay in regular contact with every person you ever meet so you have to decide.  Who is worth holding on to?  You need to find the connections that make you feel whole.  The ones that you are getting as much as you are giving. 

Maybe this is easier for some people than others.  I tend to hold on to everything.  Old clothes, old purses, things I don't need and even people.  It is not easy for me to just let go.  I wouldn't say I'm the best friend out there, but I will say I am loyal.  I keep most of my promises and if I tell you something, I mean it.  I get excited about things and when I get let down it hurts.  Therefore it is hard for me to let go of friendships.  It tends to take me much longer than the other party to realize the friendship has been over for a long time.  I have to talk myself into seeing that I am doing all the giving and it is no longer beneficial to me.  I then have to literally end the relationship.  I can't just let things drift away because then I break down and continue to try and hold on as tight as I can.

I will be honest, I have done this.  In fact you may have been on the receiving end of this.  I usually send it in email format so I can write out my thoughts and take my time to be thoughtful and say what I really mean.  Honestly, this has actually SAVED more friendships than it has ended.  If the relationship is worth holding onto the other person will be honest and truthful back. 

If Yes - They may respond with, I haven't been as good of a friend lately.  I want to make this work if you still do and then we continue to work on the friendship and it grows back into a mutually beneficial friendship.
If No - The response will be defensive and unwilling to see your last ditch effort to see if things can still work.  You can then move on knowing you made the right decision.

We all grow up.  We all change.  Our lives take different paths and that is normal.  We have a choice who we want to take with us though on our path and it is important we are choosing the right people.




Nikki Kueffer said...

Thank you for this Julie. It is also something I have struggled with over the years (with one friend in particular) and I have been the one putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return. I try to just give up and say ok, it's her turn but as you said I break down and make the effort anyway. I think I will start working on an email for her and I hope she wants to put in the effort but if not I have many other friends who do.

Kendall Suhr said...

I love this post, I wish I would have been so bold as to take this step in some of my own past friendships because I possibly wouldn't have lost them or for sure it wouldn't have ended on such a vague note. I am not sure why it isn't more common place to have an official friendship "break up", especially if the friendship was really deep for some time. I know many of us share more with our best friend than we do with significant others sometimes, so why should a friendship in trouble not get the same deep analysis as a dating relationship would?

Kendall Suhr said...
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Julie said...

Nikki, I hope it helps and like I said hopefully if they aren't willing to be open to it you can move on knowing you did everything you could and in the end made the right decision!

Kendall, that is so perfect about having an official "break up". It is just so freeing to have the feeling you can give that part of yourself to someone who will appreciate it and in turn will give you part of them.