Friday, March 22, 2013

5-6dp5dt - The day I fell apart and then put myself back together

As you may have noticed I didn't post yesterday and here is why.  I have been feeling so good and confident about all this that I decided...why not take a home pregnancy test (HPT)- it is early, but that way if I got an early positive I can be overjoyed and if not I will know the trigger is gone.  Good thought Julie....NOT.  After getting up and peeing in my little cup and drip drip drip my urine in a cheapie HPT...big bright test line and then nothing.  Stark white.  I lost my mind!  While I knew it isn't "over", I got a sense of reality of how it might feel if this DOESN'T work.  I cried, and cried...then I cried some more.  It was horrible.  Dick tried to console me, but nothing could bring me back from the horror of realization I had created for myself.

So I called in to work, I called the nurse and she was amazing!  First I was scolded...(for the second time of the day) and then she built me back up.  Told me it was way too early and that if they got a lot of positives on day 5 they would have everyone in the clinic coming in to test.  She told me I needed to plan at least 3 fun things and they had to be things that would make me laugh.  So that is exactly what I did!  My Aunt (Mom's Sister) is visiting from WA and I thought I would give her a call and go visit my hometown (I live only about 1/2 an hour away).  She was at my Grandma's house and my other Aunt was there as well.  My Grandma's 85th birthday is on March 25th!  We were almost birthday buddies and she has her party this weekend as well so she was trying on her outfit for the party.

Now my Grandma is a good sport and since we all needed a laugh I thought I could bring along a fun accessory for her to try on with her outfit.  So I did.  I brought my hat for my costume this weekend.

I thought she looks like Queen Elizabeth!  So we laughed and laughed and my spirits were lifted and I had a great venting session with my grandma, and two aunts.  It was wonderful.  The rest of the day I started feeling my confidence being restored and now here we sit 6dp5dt and over halfway to beta day.  All the HPT's in my home are gone and buying more is now considered an illegal act by my husband (the man who 2x daily shoves a big needle in my rump so I better listen).   I work 1/2 a day today and then this afternoon will be spent preparing for the big party tomorrow!  (CLEANING).  I can't wait to share fun pictures from the weekend!



Ms DanL said...

Listen to your hubby. :) I am at the point where I straight up refuse to purchase any more HPT until I'm actually late. If they mess up my emotions, I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you felt! Have faith Julie! :) Life is complicated enough without worrying about the unknown.

Julie said...

I know! HPT's are like a drug, you get addicted! The nurse also told me that almost every IVF patient has some sort of major freak out meltdown so I'm not the only crazy person! LOL!

I need a slogan like instead of Hug instead of drugs....Cheese instead of HPT's? Oh that could be bad. :)

Nikki Kueffer said...

What amazing advice from the nurse, she is most definitely in the right line of work. As for you, I won't scold because you've had enough of that and I've been there myself many times. But I'm glad you were able to turn the day around and I hope you have a fabulous weekend, and just think by next week Beta Day will almost be here!