Monday, October 14, 2013

33 Weeks

As mentioned last week, everything has been very hectic with the passing of my Dad.  I wrote this midweek last week and thought it was important to share.  It was kind of my, holy shit moment:

I woke up this morning as I have every morning the past 4 days thinking about Dad. Today was a little different I wasn't crying, but feeling hopeful and decided to pray and thank God for His plan and not understanding it, but asking that He would continue to take care of us and bring us closer together as a family.  Then I got smacked with it...THE PLAN...

I've been looking everywhere the past 7 1/2 months for some sort of explanation for everything that has happened or some sort of "reason" for our infertility.  While I've found some good that has come out of it, there hasn't been that "Holy Shit Moment".  As I was praying this morning and thinking about what has happened the past days I began to realize:  I haven't gone hunting this fall because I am finally pregnant. Holy shit!!! I may still be alive right now because of the years of infertility and now being pregnant at just the right time. 

The next thing that occurred to me is that the past 4 years, Dad and I have been closer than ever taking fishing trips, spending time at the cabin, going on Harley rides and going hunting together.  Had I gotten pregnant and had a baby as soon as I wanted to a lot of that time together would have never happened.  Going through infertility has also given me this strength and ability to cope that I did not have years ago.

Everything that has ever happened has led to this moment and while it is still so sad and devastating that God decided to take Dad to heaven, out of all of us he was the most ready. 
No matter how terrible and difficult this situation has been, God has taken every moment the past couple days to reveal to us part of His bigger plan.  While I'd give anything to have Dad back there is a certain peace we can feel knowing that God is in charge and that we only need to trust and believe in Him.

I'm still struggling.  This has been very difficult and continues to be difficult, but every day I think "okay we've made it a week, a week and a day etc.".  I'm just so happy God has given us this miracle to look forward to in December and that helps too.

Either later this week or next week I will share my maternity photos and hopefully get back to taking weekly photos.

Thanks for your support,


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