Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Fertile Infertile: Living A Double Life

It happened...

I don't even remember where I was or who said it, but someone called me a "Fertile Myrtle".  No big deal right!?  In May I will have 2 children under the age of 2, so to the common person it seems as though it must be super easy for me to get knocked up!  It was so shocking to me to not only hear it, but to actually wonder...what am I?  Am I a Fertile Myrtle?  Am I still considered infertile?  I don't know where I belong.  Is there some place where people in my situation warp to when we no longer fit into the category of being infertile, but still not completely a normal fertile person?  

I wonder if maybe I am just that person that you hear about...you know, your friends co-worker who went through 4 years of infertility before getting pregnant through IVF and then just magically got pregnant again after?  Oh shit!  I am that person!  I hate that person!

I know that I can still identify with someone experiencing infertility, but no longer live in the immediate pain of the unknown.  My story is resolved, my family has begun.  At times remembering infertility is like a horrible nightmare that couldn't have really happened.  There was no way that life could have been that cruel, but it was real.  I have the physical scars to prove it.  I have this blog to remind me what I went through and how I felt.  I remember the countless nights laying in bed crying myself to sleep and wondering how I would be able to get out of bed the next day.  I remember waiting each month only to be disappointed by the reality of another failed cycle.  Last but not least I have my absolutely beautiful amazing son conceived through ICSI IVF, my tangible proof that I battled infertility and I won.  

I am not fertile or infertile.  I will not let those terms define who I am.

Julie


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