Friday, April 21, 2017

I never really expected this day to come...

Many of you reading my blog know that my husband and I struggled with infertility issues before going through IVF to have our first child.  After our marriage in 2009 we threw out the birth control and thought lets start our family.  Fast forward to mid 2011 and still no baby and a trip to the OB starting with small doses of femara, moving right along to a fertility specialist in January 2012 and a year including 3 failed IUI's and heartbreak.  Ready to start IVF in early 2013 our first month was cancelled due to an ovarian cyst.  The very next month we produced some high quality embryos and SUCCESS.  Pregnant with one healthy baby leaving 7 embryos frozen, still no diagnosis.

Fast forward again, healthy baby boy in December and surprise a natural pregnancy later in 2014 resulting in healthy baby girl!  Decided to go on mirena for a year and then off then hoping for a 3rd child we were excited to be pregnant again naturally in fall 2016 (expected due date June 5 of this year).  We have decided our hearts and our home is full as a family of 5.  We get our annual embryo donation storage letter and payment due April.  I often get very emotional about it and this year is no different knowing it is decision time.  There has never been a doubt about what we want to do when the time came, we will donate but I'm having a much harder time with it than I expected.  Then again I never expected to become pregnant naturally after struggling so much the first time around.

Every time I look at the letter or think about calling I burst into a bucket of tears.  I remember all the pain, frustration, heart break, worry and think about how I never expected this day to come.  Mom of soon to be 3.  I do realize that as part of our embryo donation we will hopefully be helping another families dreams come true and I feel blessed to be able to offer it, but it doesn't make it any less emotional.  Our DNA child/ren could possibly be out there someday and we will never know.  That will be with me every single day of my life.

Anyways, decision is made.  We are truly very lucky and I am so happy that we can help someone else.  I pray and I try to let go as I let God watch over my 7 embabies and their future.  I look at my 2 soon 3 beautiful children and thank God because there was a time I didn't know if I would ever become a Mom.


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