Tuesday, July 17, 2012

To Hell and Back

Hello All,

I literally feel like I have been to hell and back in the past two days.  As you can imagine, AF showed up on Sunday ruining my perfect little Sunday I was having.  I had cleaned the entire house, had my spinach salad out on the patio under the umbrella and started watching season 1 of Mad Men drinking lemonade.  Seriously, perfect right!?  Well after drinking a little too much lemonade I had to run off to the bathroom and bam...like a ton of bricks all of a sudden 14DPO turned into CD1.  I wanted to scream F***********************************!  I now know the reason that word was invented.  To deal with 14DPO turning into CD1.

To make matters worse and since I have been totally open on this blog, we got word that certain friends of ours don't approve of us going through infertility treatments and that they think it is unnatural.  You know what is not natural??? Being INFERTILE!!!!  This pretty much turned my world upside down and inside out.  I can't believe that people that should be supporting us are actually against what we are doing, which is trying to expand our family.  I guess that is the one problem about being open about our journey.  Not everyone is going to be supportive.  Round this all our with what seems like about 100 pregnancy announcements in the last month and let's just say we are taking another month off to recover and relax.

I keep thinking, okay we have made it through the worst, we can't get any lower than "right now" and then you sink lower and things don't get better.  I know my goal this year was to try to remain positive about our IF journey and I think I have done a pretty good job up to this point, but there is reality and this journey is miserable.  You can try to find the silver lining or whatever, or think this is all part of God's plan, but when it comes right down to it...it is the worst thing I have ever been through.  Thank goodness this is a rollercoaster and I know things will go back up, but how much longer can I stay on this ride.

Julie

8 comments:

Jen said...

I'm so sorry. I was thinking about you today as I know we are right around the same time and boat. I am supposed to have my beta tomorrow but according to HPT I am expecting a BFFN yet again. It is the worst. I am also sorry about your "friends" not supporting you, but you have to remember that if they aren't in the exact situation as you are, they really have nothing to stand on as far as opinions. Hoping that you find some solace in this trying time.

Julie said...

Thanks Jen. Wishing you good luck! Life can stop sucking anytime here.

Amber said...

Julie, I am so sorry to hear the news... I wish I could offer some kind of magical words to make you feel better, but I know there is nothing I can say that will make the disappointment any easier to take. It sucks. Know that I am thinking about you.
I hate that 'friends' are not being supportive of you. What is their problem?! How dare they judge your decisions when it comes to infertility. Would they tell a diabetic patient not to seek treatment? Would they tell someone with cancer not to undergo chemo? Judgmental assholes...ugh sorry you're having to go through this! I know personally, I distanced myself from a few people and had to cut ties with 2 people because of their lack of understanding with IF. These are not the kind of people you need in your life.
Stay strong.

Julie said...

Thank you Amber. I got the book!!! I can't thank you enough. I just finished 50 Shades (LOL) so I needed something new to read. I'm sure I will be better in a few days, I just hate these lower than low days.

Sarah said...

Julie this effing sucks. I was really thinking this was it. You have had a great outlook in a super sh*tty situation. Keep your head up lady.

Amber said...

Im glad you got the book. Sorry for the delay in sending it. I hope you find it helpful! Ohhh 50 shades is great! I loved it:) Take a few days for you and do whatever you need to do to get through it. You're incredibly strong. *hugs*

Kendall Suhr said...

I agree with other posters - how dare your "friends" be not just unsupportive, but against your IF journey. People don't have a right to judge unless they have been through the exact same situation - which no one ever has had the exact same situation. Well said Amber, those people would never judge a sick person for seeking medical treatment so why is seeking medical treatment to help build a family. I love you julie, thinking of you.

Julie said...

Thanks Kendall! Thanks everyone. Unfortunately these "friends" aren't people we can cut out of our life but after talking to DH we can keep them out of the loop moving forward. I'm not sure how that will end up affecting the relationship, but for right now that is what I believe we have to do. You guys are all so wonderful and thank you again for the support!