Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Waiting Game

Well I want to start off by saying Vegas was FABULOUS!  We had an amazing time together and with our friends I'll refer to as J&L :).  We pretty much walked the entire strip starting at Harrah's where we stayed and going south down to Mandalay Bay one day and north the second day.  We also made it down to Fremont Street to the Golden Nugget!  I won $100 on a penny slot Wheel of Fortune.  It was so much fun.  J&L were awesome travel buddies!

I could really start having fun after the "giving myself a shot" was over.  It is amazing how IF is on your mind constantly.  Although Vegas is no place to go and relax, I was really able to have a little ease of mind for a few days.  Of course when I got back though it is back at the constant wondering and WAITING.  I have about a week and a couple days left in this cycle.  I'm sick and tired of all the waiting.  I want to be able to DO THINGS again.  I worry constantly.  What if I take this medicine, what if I run too hard, what if I sneeze and my eggs explode.  What was that cramp?  Do I feel nauseous?  Did I take my vitamin?  Am I feeling more bloated today?  What ifs and waiting all day every day.  When I am not thinking/talking about it, then I starting dreaming about it.  For instance, last night I had a dream that all my hair fell out due to the meds. (an actual side effect of the meds. I have been taking).   I guess the only thing I can do is keep my head up and continue to pray.  Here goes...

Dear God,

Please grant me a baby(s).  (Hey it doesn't hurt to be direct.) If you cannot give me a baby right now please grant me ease of mind.  If you cannot give me ease of mind please restore some of the patience that I have used up over the past two and a half years.  If you cannot give me any of these things, please remind me that everything is in your hands and that when I am crying you are sitting next to me holding my hand, and that no matter how this turns out you are always watching over me and I have the joy of salvation through Jesus.  Amen.

Julie

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