Monday, July 30, 2012

Seeking Professional Help

Hello All!

I hope you had a good weekend.  Today's topic is about, you guessed it, "Seeking Professional Help".  What are your feelings on that?  I decided it was finally time.  I've never been to any kind of professional therapy or counseling so I really didn't know what to expect.  I made the decision to go because I am hoping to continue to find healthy ways to cope with infertility. 

I had a referral from my RE to an IF specific psychologist and I'm glad I picked someone who knows about IF (even if I have to drive a little bit extra).  In fact, she has dealt with it herself and came out on the other side.  What was great was that not only did she understand the emotional side of it, she is very familiar with the terminology, testing and treatments.  I couldn't imagine going to see someone who would need everything explained to them about what is an IUI or FSH.  In fact, she asked to make sure I had all the testing done that I should have.  Anyways, I'm interested to see how that goes and hopefully it will help.

Dealing with IF anxiety is a little bit different then dealing with regular anxiety and stress.  You can't always avoid the things that are making you stressed or anxious if you want to continue to try and have children.   Anyways, I will keep you posted on how this goes!  We are currently still in limbo waiting for the laparoscopy procedure at the end of August and will not be doing any treatment until that time other than au natural!

On a side note, I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out to me over the past few weeks.  I have received a lot of support from some unexpected places.  It means a lot to me to hear from you.  It never occurred to me when I started writing this blog that so many people would take the time to sit down and read about my life.  I find it amazing that this month alone I have had over 1,000 page views.  You guys are incredible.  Thank you again for all the prayers that have been sent up to heaven.  I know God is listening and he will answer in His time, but every little bit helps!


Friday, July 27, 2012

Drunk on You and High on Summertime

Soooo, I forgot to tell you about my weekend! 

This past weekend I made the trip up 3-4 hours with my sister-in-law to see Jason Aldean!!  We had so much fun and got very lucky to spend the weekend with some great friends.  I also got to check one of my Goals for 2012 off the list by visiting a new town Black River Falls.  We didn't stay long, but we did visit a cute little place called the "Mocha Mouse" which we kept confusing and calling the Mocha Moose!
We had frappuchinos and some snacks for the rest of the trip since we were both so excited we forgot to eat lunch.  On Saturday we got to see Justin Moore, Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean.  All three of them were good, but the stand out by far was Luke Bryan.  He was really, REALLY, really good (and it doesn't hurt that he is really good looking either).  In my opinion JA was only  He even mentioned he was still hungover from the night before.  That kind of was the beginning of the end.  He didn't play bad, but I wasn't extremely impressed either.

It has just been me and the pups this week.  I hate being home alone.  In fact the only thing I look forward to is being able to take over the whole bed and that wasn't even an option:
Only a few more days and he comes back home.  He is traveling for work, but it works out nice that he can stay at his parents house. 

IF update: none - my cramping finally subsided after I went in Wednesday for acupuncture and laser treatment.  I hope that took care of whatever was going on in there.  When I told acu-Lady about my cramps and that the doctor thought it was cysts, I'm pretty sure she said the F*** word.  She obviously is all about natural treatment but is understanding of me doing both. 

Anyways, "Happy Friday" everyone!


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Thank you...NOT!

I just wanted to say thank you to our local hospital for placing a very large birthing center billboard that I get to drive by every day on my way to work.  This isn't the exact one but it is very simliar:

There isn't words for how annoying this is to drive past every single day.  Ha...if only it was that easy.  Oh all I need to do is plan and then I can have my happy healthy future and family.  Thanks for making my day a little bit WORSE! 

In other news I have been experiencing mild to heavy cramping the past few days which my RE believes could be cysts from the last cycle.  The cysts should "take care of themselves" in the next month.  I'm not quite sure what that means, but from what I have read they should absorb back into the body, but in the meantime they are painful.  Nothing like another kick in the ovaries.


PS.  Make sure to check out my STORE tab.  I have three lovely dresses listed for sale right now on eBay!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Next Up: More Testing

Hi Everyone,

I'm still kind of pulling myself out of the dark hole I have been in the past few days, but I am definitely getting there.  It doesn't hurt that this weekend I will be taking a nice little road trip to see my FAVORITE country singer Jason Aldean.  Just saying his name... "Jason Aldean" cheers me up!  (Don't worry my husband is well aware of how much I love JA!)

Anyways, back to my post I spoke (messaged I guess) with my RE yesterday about our options moving forward.  She said we could continue and do another IUI or that there is more testing that we could do including testing my ovarian reserve and testing for endometriosis.  How you ask?  Well the ovarian reserve test would be a simple blood test to basically tell how many eggs I have left in case I am at risk for early menopause.  In that case I would assume they would push along IVF a little bit faster.  The testing for endometriosis is actually a surgery called laparoscopy that you can read more about here.  For the squeamish the surgery isn't horrible, but definitely doesn't sound like fun.  I have some, but not all of the symptoms of "endo" since my early teens I have always had painful periods.  I truly believe this should be our next step instead of another fingers crossed IUI (even though the past two haven't worked and we don't know why). 

At this point I would just love to get some answers, does that mean I am hoping I have endometriosis?  Gosh I don't know the answer to that!  If it means that we can finally have an answer and can fix it with surgery and have our baby (and live happily ever after ...LOL!), then I guess the answer is YES.  The surgery is set up at this point for August 29th.


PS.  Thank you so much for all the comments and support after my last post!  It means a lot to me!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

To Hell and Back

Hello All,

I literally feel like I have been to hell and back in the past two days.  As you can imagine, AF showed up on Sunday ruining my perfect little Sunday I was having.  I had cleaned the entire house, had my spinach salad out on the patio under the umbrella and started watching season 1 of Mad Men drinking lemonade.  Seriously, perfect right!?  Well after drinking a little too much lemonade I had to run off to the bathroom and a ton of bricks all of a sudden 14DPO turned into CD1.  I wanted to scream F***********************************!  I now know the reason that word was invented.  To deal with 14DPO turning into CD1.

To make matters worse and since I have been totally open on this blog, we got word that certain friends of ours don't approve of us going through infertility treatments and that they think it is unnatural.  You know what is not natural??? Being INFERTILE!!!!  This pretty much turned my world upside down and inside out.  I can't believe that people that should be supporting us are actually against what we are doing, which is trying to expand our family.  I guess that is the one problem about being open about our journey.  Not everyone is going to be supportive.  Round this all our with what seems like about 100 pregnancy announcements in the last month and let's just say we are taking another month off to recover and relax.

I keep thinking, okay we have made it through the worst, we can't get any lower than "right now" and then you sink lower and things don't get better.  I know my goal this year was to try to remain positive about our IF journey and I think I have done a pretty good job up to this point, but there is reality and this journey is miserable.  You can try to find the silver lining or whatever, or think this is all part of God's plan, but when it comes right down to is the worst thing I have ever been through.  Thank goodness this is a rollercoaster and I know things will go back up, but how much longer can I stay on this ride.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Other Amazing Blogs

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to put up a quick message that I have added an "Other Amazing Blogs" linked to my blog along the right hand side.  I put up a few of you who have linked to my blog.  I really appreciate that and I want to do the same! 

If you are interested in having your blog added to my list please send me a link in the comments section.

If there is one positive thing that has come from dealing with IF it is the sense of support and community online from not only people I know, but also total strangers and I love it!  Even those of you who have "crossed over to the other side" are still so wonderful and supportive.   Please send me your link below!

Julie (IUI#2, CD25, 9DPO) 

Monday, July 9, 2012

Asking for your HELP! - Trial Run on eBay - Funding IF

Hi Everyone,

As I wait anxiously in my 2WW after our 2nd IUI, I started thinking...WHAT IF THIS DOESN'T WORK?  Immediately I tried to push that out of my mind, of course it will work, all those perfect numbers it has to right?  Well then reality hit, what if we need to keep moving forward with treatment, how will we be able to afford to keep shelling out so much money each month?  For example:

July Treatment:
  • 2x acupuncture treatments $110
  • Maternal Herbal Supplement $16
  • Letrozole $8 co-pay
  • Ovidrel $80
  • U/S $250
  • IUI $350
= $814 + driving back and forth to the doctor's office

All that for a chance that is might work.  Talk about making a person anxious!  So I started thinking, "How can I use some of the skills I have learned while WAITING for my baby?  ...and it hit me.  What if I sold the dresses and other items that I have been "refashioning"?   I guess it can't hurt to give it a try!

So this is where I need your help... please take a look.  I am only doing a trial run right now and if it works I will continue to add more.  Please share this link with anyone who might be interested in helping me and my husband make our dream come true of expanding our family.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

IUI #2 Update

Hi Everyone,

This is going to be short and sweet since it is from my phone.  Timing was perfect as it could have been and great numbers!!  3 follies for me on the left...20, 21 & 21.  Took the Ovidrel on 6/30 and went in for the IUI 7/2.  Hubbies numbers were again out of this world 207 million...yes you read that right 207,000,000!  92% motility also fabulous.

I could actually feel ovulation taking place as the procedure was happening.  Good timing!

Wish us luck, send prayers and keep you fingers crossed for the next two weeks!

Happy 4th of July!!!