Thursday, November 29, 2012


Well my dear friends in blogosphere (is that how you spell that) I have another round of testing which technically I will consider preparing for IVF.  I was able to schedule a few through my clinic near home, but when it came to asking about the SHG (Sonohysterogram - filling your uterus full of saline and doing ultrasound) I got flashbacks of when I had to call about a year ago at this time to schedule my first HSG (Hysterosalpingogram).

Julie of 2011 - Hi I need to schedule an HSG*.
Nurse - A what?
Me - H-S-G
Nurse - Oh Honey, you mean a HCG**
Me - NO - H- SSSSS - G
Nurse - Are you sure its not a HCG?
Me - Okay how can I explain this...I'm NOT Pregnant
Nurse - Oh, who is your doctor?
Me - Ughhh...Dr. Chuppa
Nurse - Okay let me put you on hold.

*x-ray of your uterus using a dye to check to see if your fallopian tubes are open
**Pregnancy blood test

You can only imagine how I felt having to call and ask about an SHG this time around.  However it was much more simple this time.

Julie of 2012 - Hi I need to schedule a SHG.
Nurse - We don't do those.
Me - Crap.

So they are able to do the simple STD testing (Dec 13th), but I have to go to my RE tomorrow to do the SHG (which was another whole ordeal).  The main thing I wanted to make sure of was that I got everything taken care of in December to have my insurance cover whatever possible since my deductible is obviously met for the year AND I am changing insurance coverage in 2013 (Still no actual IF treatment coverage though).  (Right now my insurance covers infertility diagnosis/testing, but not actual treatment.)  So I called the RE to make sure my insurance was going to cover the SHG and I was told NO.  She told me since I have a diagnosis (I do???) my insurance no longer covers it.  I said oh really...what is my diagnosis?  She looked at my charts and says...Oh...ummm infertility.  Okay so my infertility diagnosis is infertility??? WTF!  I didn't let it go.  I went on to explain how since I had treatments (IUI's) and afterwards insurance covered my laparoscopy.  So after a few more back and forths she said, let me try again.  She called back and turned an almost $900 procedure into a $35 co-pay.  Oh sweet success at last!

In other news we put up our Christmas tree and got a few new decorations in the meantime!

I was having a difficult time getting in the Christmas spirit but I think this will help!  Hope you are all doing well and having an okay time gearing up for the Holidays!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Where We Go From Here

Hello All!  I hope you had a great Thanksgiving for those of you in the US.  I wasn't kidding about drinking wine at Thanksgiving.  My family can surely tell you I wasn't kidding.  Oops!  Oh well it was fun.

So the question is...where do we go from here?

As I had mentioned in my last post that the Mr. and I had decided upon a plan moving forward if we came to the end of this month and it was a negative.  As you can see in the "TTC Timeline" to the right we are planning on moving forward with IVF.  Not familiar with this?  That is more technical, what happens is we pay a crap load of money, they get me all hopped up on hormones and check to see how my follicles are progressing.  When the time is right they harvest my eggs and get the party started outside my body with the sperm.  They keep a careful eye on the progress and after 3-5 days place 1-2 of them back in me when they are fertilized.  Then we cross our fingers and wait and pray to God they implant.  The program we are choosing allows us to do 1 IVF and one FET or frozen embryo transfer.  That is if we have any embryos left over.  The cost for the program at my clinic is $11,900 + meds ($3,000-$5,000).  Oh no I am getting that sick feeling in my stomach again.  I wasn't kidding when I say a crap load of money.  Anyone have $15-$16K laying around?  Contact me ASAP...haha!

So that is the plan.  We are going to be scrimping and saving every single penny we can get our hands on and give this one last ditch effort.  After this we are completely broke and will no longer be able to afford infertility treatment moving forward.  I've never felt so stressed out in my entire life.

Right now we have a bit of testing we need to do before we get started and I am hoping to begin stimming in January.  As always, thank you for all the love and support you have been sending my way.  All we can do is remain positive and hope that at the end of all this I can say, damn that was hell, but it was sooooo worth it!


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Someone Pass the Wine

SHIT....shit....shit....shit.  My period showed up last night.  I can't even put into words how devastated I am right now.  I want to cry, I want to scream but more than that I feel absolutely numb so I can't do either of those things.  So I get be mad, angry, sad and whatever else I need.  I get to throw out all the hopeful crap for one day because sucks!  So today you also get to be mad, upset, angry and pissed off and below no positive crap I want some anger in the comments section below because we get today.  I'm not kidding...throw in some f-bombs!

Tomorrow is a new day, the day I remember all the happy hopeful butterflies and rainbow crap I always blog about.  Tomorrow I will remember that God has a plan and that things will work out.  Tomorrow I remember that the Mr. and I have already mapped out our plan moving forward and that we already discussed our attack moving forward and that the battle isn't over yet.

Today I am sad, today I feel defeated.


Monday, November 19, 2012

One Day Late and Afraid to Pee!

Sorry for the title...I just had to.  I'm officially 15DPO (days past ovulation and IUI) and I am pretty sure this is a FIRST since I have been tracking my cycles.  I usually get to about day CD12-13 and then BAM like clockwork my period shows up.  I tested on 12DPO just to see if there was a chance and BFN so I decided I am going to wait now until the Mr gets back home (Wednesday).  To be sure I wasn't freaking out for no reason at all I checked my prior IUI's to see if the HCG shot had anything to do with it and no my March IUI I made it to 13DPO and July I made it to 12DPO.  People this is a first.  I'm currently at CD31 15DPO and trying not to lose it.  Thus the reason for the subject...I'm so scared I'm going to go to the bathroom and see RED that every time I have to go to the bathroom my heart starts racing and I feel ready to burst into tears.  Keep the prayers coming everyone...I need them more than ever!!!

On to my weekend.  Remember not so long ago when I post this?  Well that backfired a little when I decided to take up hunting to spend more time with the Mr.  Instead this weekend (opening deer hunting weekend) we actually split ways and I went to my parents farm and he went to his.  I was shocked and surprised to find out that I really LOVE deer hunting.  Me!??  I know right?!?


So that is what I did.  I packed up all my blaze orange on Friday (and about a million tampons expecting AF to show up on Sat. or Sun.) and headed to the family farm.  Our "deer camp" consisted of my dad and my older brother (and Bosko and Lady and parents black lab Trapper).  Mom was also there for moral support, but did not go out hunting with us.  I woke nice and early Saturday morning and we headed out to our stands.  I was armed with all my warm gear, "hot hands" (find out what these are if you ever have to sit out in the cold they are amazing), my cell phone, and my Nook for when I got bored.  The opening time was 6:18 AM and just around 6:30 I hear a shuffle of leaves headed my way.  Holy heart is racing at this point 100 mph and I see 2 doe walking right in front of me.  I took one shot.  Skip ahead the details.  Sunday morning back out and same thing happens, but this time around 6:45 and this time it is only one doe and on to the results I finished the weekend with one doe Saturday morning and one doe Sunday morning.  Boys = 0, Julie = 2.  I am SO thankful to my brother for taking care of the part after you shoot the deer (which I would never be able to take care of) and my dad for lending me his gun and both for putting me in the best spot on the farm to hunt!


So now what do I do?  I have 2 days of work today and tomorrow and then I have off the rest of the weekend for Thanksgiving.  The Mr. comes home from his hunting adventure Tuesday which if I can make it until then without giving in or AF arriving I will test Wednesday.  THEN...if positive (eeks!) I will set up a blood test (beta test) and go from there.  For the record right now I feel anything but pregnant so while I am freaking out I am trying so hard not to because I feel a lot more like my period is just around the corner and the acne on my face to go along with it.  If negative/or AF I plan on drinking a lot of wine at Thanksgiving.  However until that happens I am going to keep the hope alive and keep sending the prayers up to the Big Guy in heaven.  Please please please do the same!!!


PS. If you have an extra prayer available please also send up one for my new nephew who has been in the hospital for jaundice the past few days.  Thanks!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Are you one of those Black Friday people?

Let me start off by saying I am "NOT"!  Oh my gosh if they could make a day that was more miserable sounding than Black Friday I wouldn't believe it.  Crowds of people shopping all at the same time.  Ick!  When I shop I don't want anyone within a 100 foot radius.  Now I love a good deal as much as the next person, but just thinking about that day makes me cringe.  

SO!  I've decided this year that instead of sitting at home twiddling my thumbs and stuffing myself with Thanksgiving leftovers on Black Friday I'm going to go to the store!!!  However, this will not be to shop it will be to RING BELLS!   This is a great way to volunteer and raise money for the Salvation Army for the holidays.  You don't have to spend a lot of time, but it is for a great cause.  There is no hard labor and you can actually have fun doing it!  Also if you are one of those crazy shoppers that go to sleep at noon on Thursday so you can get up at midnight to head out for the deals it doesn't have to be on Black Friday you can do it anytime throughout the holiday season.  Thank about it!


Monday, November 12, 2012

Has Infertility Made Me Selfish?

Happy Monday!

Well the second week of my glorious 2WW after my 3rd IUI has begun.

I realized lately I have been so wrapped up in all this infertility stuff that I have become extremely selfish.  Now don't get me wrong, to a point you have to be selfish because you need to protect yourself emotionally, but sometimes I think it gets to a point that you need to remember there is life beyond the fertility treatments and 2WWs.  (Honestly, I sometimes forget that especially when I am all whacked out on hormones!)  Lately it is just so difficult for me to think of others because I feel like we are struggling so much ourselves, but the more I focus on infertility the more miserable I am.  So this is what I decided...I am going to VOLUNTEER!  I've decided on 2 things I would like to do still in 2012 and then try to expand for 2013.

1. Big Brothers Big Sisters - I have submitted my paper work and am waiting to hear back for approval.  This may be difficult considering the situation we are in, but overall I think the benefits will outweigh the negatives.

2. Fund raise for Victims on the East Coast from Superstorm Sandy - I have been working on this the past few weeks to get approved at work, but things are getting finalized and hopefully I can share more about this once I get approved.  We hope to specifically fund raise for our co-workers that were affected.

It is so easy to get so down and feel so negative when you are dealing with infertility, but there are so many others out there who are hurting for different reasons.  I hope to share my volunteering experiences with you and also ask what you are doing to help others?


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Surviving the Holiday's - IF V3.0

Hello Again,

I wanted to write a quick post as the "holidays" are rapidly approaching here in the US.  Thanksgiving is right around the corner and as any infertile knows the holidays are not always easy to deal with.  This will be my 3rd infertile Christmas and I think I am learning from my past mistakes!  Here goes:

IF Holiday Tip #1.

DO - Make party visits short (if possible) and then get out!  Auntie So&SO WILL ask you when you are going to have a baby, be prepared with a short polite response.

DON'T - Get stuck watching all the grandchildren opening their adorable little presents.  If this is not an option make it into some sort of drinking game...little Anna got another Barbie? That's 2 drinks!

IF Holiday Tip #2.

DO - Spend at least one of your days off with your significant other enjoying just the two of you (and your fur babies).  Take a break from the hustle and bustle that all the FERTILES HAVE to deal with since they have kiddos.

DON'T - invite a TON of people over to your house on Christmas Day!  I learned the error of my ways after doing this for the past couple years.  You think you are stressed about your HSG two days before Christmas?  Why add the additional stress of cleaning, cooking and family and in-laws on top of it?  Hopefully you are all smarter than me :).

IF Holiday Tip #3

DO - Plan your shopping accordingly.  Be smart about buying gifts for children in your extended family, if you don't think you can handle walking through the kids department then buy a department store gift card.

DON'T - Save your shopping until the last minute, have a total mental breakdown in TOYS 'R' US because you had to make a quick run to the bathroom and AF stained your new pair of Christmas undies!

IF Holiday Tip #4

DO - Make time for adult fun.  Throw/attend an adult Christmas theme party that won't be centered around kids.  This year I will be hosting "A Very Nerdy Christmas" and I can't wait!  (You better believe there will be pictures!)

DON'T - Accept every single party invitation sent your way.  Be sensible and politely decline if you don't feel you will be comfortable.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST IF Holiday Tip #5 - Remember the reason for each holiday.  Take joy in the fact that you have your faith, family and friends.

DON'T - Let the stress of it all send you into a spiral of misery.  The holidays' aren't easy but a little planning and fun and you may even start to enjoy them (a little bit).

My new Christmas Guitar Book!


P.S. Feel free to add any of your own personal tips for surviving the holidays you think would be helpful!

Monday, November 5, 2012

IUI #3 - 2WW Begins

Hello all!

Today begins the two week wait (2WW) after IUI #3.  I'm finally feeling a little better after having some difficulty this month during the first part of the crazy hormone stage.  I just felt very negative and it was difficult to overcome.  Today for the most part I feel normal, maybe a little too normal since we just had the IUI yesterday.  I think it is a good thing.  I feel relaxed!  The procedure went well, I had some cramping and slight bleeding, but that has been pretty standard.  Mr. Amazing produced some great numbers this month as well (76 million post wash)!

I also had a GREAT weekend!!  I spent the weekend at my parents cabin for an annual event which takes place each November.  When I was a kid my mom played softball with a wonderful group of women and once I turned 16 I started playing as well.  18 years ago they began getting together and going up to the cabin for a ladies weekend and once I turned 16 I got to join and have been going ever since.  It is always a weekend filled with food, drinks and laughs.  This year was no different except I had the pending IUI looming over my head.  Since I grew up knowing all these women I had no difficulty sharing what was going on and I am so happy I did.  I could just feel the love and support all weekend!!  Friday night I was scheduled for my trigger shot (ovidrel) and the ladies supported me by taking a shot of alcohol at the same time.

They also signed a pair of lucky socks for me and a pair for the Mr. to wear Sunday morning to my appointment.  We are so lucky to have so much love and support in our path to becoming parents.  I have never for a second regretting coming out into the open about our infertility because nobody should have to go through it alone. At the same time I know not everyone is as lucky as me to have such wonderful family and friends who are willing to be so supportive.  I feel extremely blessed.

On the way home I had some time to think about everything going on and was kind of talking to God in my head asking him if I was on the right path and asking for his blessing on the decisions we were making.  Then out in front of me I saw a clearing in the clouds (just a small spot) and in it I could see the colors of the rainbow.  It was so odd because it wasn't an actual rainbow, but I could clearly make out the colors.  It made me feel at ease.  Not that this will be the answer to our prayers or that this is going to be the one (though I hope it is) but that we were making the proper decisions in our life right now and that we are on the correct path!

My prayer goes out to everyone struggling with infertility.  I hope through being open about our story we can help spread awareness that infertility is real and affects many couples.


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Happy Birthday BOSKO!!

My big baby Bosko turns 12(ish) today.  4 years ago the Mr and I decided we wanted to get a dog.  I always wanted a Springer Spaniel and we decided we would adopt rather than getting a puppy.  I searched online and found this adorable boy at the Watertown Humane Society.  I had decided years before I wanted to name my first pup Bosko in honor of a great friend I had met while studying in Australia.  He was found as a stray in Watertown so there isn't much history for him and he won't tell us his "real name".

I went with my Mom to go check him out and decided he was the one.  We brought him home November 1st, 2008 which was the same night we had invited friends over for a costume party.  He is quirky, needy, neurotic and I love him with all my heart!

Bosko over the years:

Happy Birthday Bosko, (Big Boy, Big Bopper, Bakko, Markel, Boskinator, Mr. Turd Tail, Turdie, Turd Boy, "B")!!!