No Update, but NEW Look!

Hey Everyone,

Just a quick update that there is no update for this month.  I have been feeling very little "symptoms" other than wanting to eat like a pig.  That however could just be me wanting to eat like a pig. 

We are expecting some beautiful weather in WI this week and I celebrated on Sunday by planting one small row of radish and one small row of lettuce.  It is a gamble I know, but I have a few sprouts already coming through from seeds that never came up last year.  I have a friendly competition with my Dad every year on "who has the better garden" and having the first sprouts definitely counts as a small victory!

I have a lot of pictures I need to upload soon so check back often!

Julie

PS.  You like the new look?

The Waiting Game

Well I want to start off by saying Vegas was FABULOUS!  We had an amazing time together and with our friends I'll refer to as J&L :).  We pretty much walked the entire strip starting at Harrah's where we stayed and going south down to Mandalay Bay one day and north the second day.  We also made it down to Fremont Street to the Golden Nugget!  I won $100 on a penny slot Wheel of Fortune.  It was so much fun.  J&L were awesome travel buddies!

I could really start having fun after the "giving myself a shot" was over.  It is amazing how IF is on your mind constantly.  Although Vegas is no place to go and relax, I was really able to have a little ease of mind for a few days.  Of course when I got back though it is back at the constant wondering and WAITING.  I have about a week and a couple days left in this cycle.  I'm sick and tired of all the waiting.  I want to be able to DO THINGS again.  I worry constantly.  What if I take this medicine, what if I run too hard, what if I sneeze and my eggs explode.  What was that cramp?  Do I feel nauseous?  Did I take my vitamin?  Am I feeling more bloated today?  What ifs and waiting all day every day.  When I am not thinking/talking about it, then I starting dreaming about it.  For instance, last night I had a dream that all my hair fell out due to the meds. (an actual side effect of the meds. I have been taking).   I guess the only thing I can do is keep my head up and continue to pray.  Here goes...

Dear God,

Please grant me a baby(s).  (Hey it doesn't hurt to be direct.) If you cannot give me a baby right now please grant me ease of mind.  If you cannot give me ease of mind please restore some of the patience that I have used up over the past two and a half years.  If you cannot give me any of these things, please remind me that everything is in your hands and that when I am crying you are sitting next to me holding my hand, and that no matter how this turns out you are always watching over me and I have the joy of salvation through Jesus.  Amen.

Julie

Second Ultra Sound

Hello from Las Vegas!!  I'm just relaxing in my hotel room following a busy day of travel and work.  I thought I would share an exciting updating following up on my second u/s and appointment on Tuesday.  First my RE checked my lining which was GREAT at over 12mm and even more exciting I had TWO follicles over 21mm.  This is exactly what we were trying to achieve with the medication.  This is very exciting news because prior to going into this appointment we were unsure whether the meds. were helping at all.

Tonight I had to my first self injection.  It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.

So there you go!  Now I can "try" to take my mind off all the madness of IF and focus on having a good time in Vegas.  Doctors orders!  First some room service and later maybe a few slot machines.

Keep your fingers crossed this month.

Julie

Update: IUI Cancelled

Hey Everyone,

Quick update, our IUI has been cancelled for this month.  I had my U/S yesterday and we were only about 1/2-way to where we were supposed to be with the size of my follicles in order to proceed with the IUI before we leave for our trip.  We are going to continue to work on perfecting the "fertility cocktail" as the doctor calls it and keep on truckin'.

This was really sad news for me as I felt broken and angry, but good news in that we know just a smidgen more about what is going on internally.  I guess the 5 minute appointment that I spent $215 to get bad news was just kind of a "punch in the ovaries" LOL.  I'm hoppin back on the drug train for the next few days and hopefully can increase the size of my follicles for my next appointment on Tuesday where I will have another U/S.  Just another unexpected loop on the roller coaster I call my life. 

Julie

I Feel Like a "Hot Mess"

No literally!  I just wanted to give a quick update on our treatments for this month.  I started taking 125 mg of Letrozole (Femara) CD 3-5 and last time I had taken this I was only taking 50 mg so the only side effects I noticed were just my mood swings.  Now I am noticing the HOT HOT HOT Flashes, acne and mood swings so I just feel like a total "Hot Mess"! 

The funny thing is I have been getting the hot flashes when I feel nervous or excited so the past few days have been pretty interesting.  The first one came when I went bowling with a couple of my friends, and the second showed up in the check out line at Pic'N Save (boy I get nervous when they are ringing up those coupons...LOL) and then a few in between.  The last one started up during (MOM stop reading here...LOL) what turned out to be not-so-romantic reunion when the hubby returned home from being away for the weekend (hey baby, I am sweating like a pig and my face looks like a 13 year old going through puberty...but you wanna wink, wink!)

So anyways, I am also getting ready to take a work/vacation trip to Vegas at the end of this month and going to fit the IUI in before we leave, as long as everything goes well.

I have an ultrasound (WHAT?! yes, they have you come in for an ultrasound to see how your follicles are growing and how many) this week and I am hoping this will give us a little more information on everything going on "in there".  Then the doc will let us know when to take the Ovidrel shot to hopefully spark ovulation and then back in for the IUI.  I can only imagine the party that will be going on in my uterus while we are in Vegas and then back home for the rest of the 2 week wait.  So hopefully what happens in Vegas...nestles in and starts to grow!  I plan on pep talking my eggs and encouraging them to let go and make bad decisions while on vacation!  LOL!

Julie

I cry at night...

Another month goes by and I wonder why,

I know you are stubborn and so am I.

I cry at night when no one is watching,

I bite my lip when people are talking.

I know you so well although you don’t exist,

You are a part of every dream, every goal and every wish.

You’ll have your daddy’s chin but you’ll have my eyes.

You will be tall and beautiful, just the right size.

For you I will never give up and never quit trying,

Alone at night is when I do my crying.

~to my "someday" Baby

Julie

The Perfect Devotion for Today

I get a daily devotion to my email inbox though my church.  This one fit my situation perfectly in regards to dealing with my infertility.  It couldn't have been more perfect timing as I am beginning to near the end of another cycle.  This always causes worry, fear, frustration, doubt and this is just what I needed today.


In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

*Who's In Control?*

Sue was excited to visit New York City; it was her first time to
experience the sights and sounds of the big city. But on arrival, her
expectation for an exciting time was threatened by the taxi ride to the
hotel. The driver seemed determined to demonstrate his skill and daring
in negotiating the traffic congestion. He went careening down streets,
making abrupt turns, nearly sideswiping other cars, and coming to
screeching stops. Sue thought that the trip was going to end in a
cemetery. She was frustrated and afraid because she didn't have control,
and she felt that her life was in unreliable hands.

Experiences like Sue had illustrate our human tendency to want to be in charge of things in our lives.

We are nervous whenever we feel that the
control of our lives is out of our hands. When we are tempted to think
that way, we need to remind ourselves that the LORD of our lives—the one
who is truly in control—is the almighty God and Savior of the world,
Jesus Christ. We can put our full confidence in him knowing that he will
never be reckless in the way that he leads us because he loves us with
an unending, never-failing love. We need to learn to relax in him and
believe that he can handle anything he allows to come into our lives.
Although we need to plan and live responsibly, we are wise to recognize
that our LORD is in complete control. It is his will, not our efforts,
that keeps us alive and secure. It is always wise and safe to place our
full confidence in him!

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, I don’t know not what this day may bring and tomorrow there
are many more unknowns. But I know that you are my almighty, loving God.
Teach me to put my life under your control. Amen.

 

Julie