Monday, April 30, 2012

Has Anyone Tried This?

Although we have taken a break from our standard treatment this month from infertility we are not on an official break.  This month I am going forward with acupunture and an herb called Maternal Herbal.  Has anyone tried this herb while TTC?

I am currently taking this along with my weekly acupuncture appointments.  While this is still expensive it is a large "discount" from the well over $1,000 I spent last month trying the IUI.  I also actually feel normal this month.  The most difficult thing was dealing with the hormones last month and managing my disappointment.  So far I am noticing very little side effects from the herb.  The last time I actually cried was during Grey's Anatomy during an emotional scene... so that is good!  I always cry during that show anyways!  We are currently about 1/2-way through this month.  I had to pull my thermometer back out because I need to know for sure when I do ovulate because that changes the acupuncture protocal.

Tonight I go in again for one last major session before we (hopefully) hit the ovulation mark and we are trying some stims in addition to the normal acupuncture!  I just love how "going all out" in TCM means a little discomfort followed by extreme calm and relaxation vs. traditional medicine which is just an entire month of out of whack hormones and mostly just discomfort.  So that is the update.  I would love to hear if anyone else has tried this herb and if it works I will be suggesting it to everyone!

Tonight is also my very first guitar lesson!  I'm so excited.  All weekend I would take it out of its case just to admire it and strum away and start to feel comfortable holding it!  Wish me luck!


Thursday, April 26, 2012

A New Tab on the Junk Drawer

Hello again everyone,

You may have noticed a new tab on the ole junk drawer.  One thing I have always really wanted to do was to learn how to play the guitar.  One of the things I have learned recently in dealing with infertility is that you only have one life and you have to make it the best you can no matter what the circumstance.  Hence, I am going out tonight to check out guitars and possibly set up lessons.

SOOOO...keep your eyes on that Music tab and hopefully there are some good things to come!


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

National Infertility Awareness Week

For those of you who don't already know this week is National Infertility Awareness Week.   This means something different to each one of us.  Some of you only know someone suffering with IF, or others don't know that their loved ones might be struggling with IF.  Of course for us this really hits home because we are struggling with IF directly.

The website has some great ideas on how you can get involved and help.  I just have one wish and that is for everyone to just be more sensitive because you never know what struggles people are going through.  You know that couple that has been married for 3-4 years now and you keep bugging them about when they are going to make you an Auntie, Grandma, etc..please stop!  This topic is so sensitive and some couple are willing to talk about it, but some couples just want to keep it a private matter. 

My husband and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary tomorrow and I'm sure you can imagine how often we are asked about having children.   Of course it doesn't bother me that much just when people ask, but it is the rude, inappropriate manner in which it is asked or more often the unnecessary advise that is often given along with my response that we are going through fertility treatments.  I is so wonderful that your friend's friend had troubles and all she had to do was just stop trying so hard, or adopt, or whatever magical potion she took and immediately got pregnant.  Unless you talk to this person every single day, odds are that you don't know their whole story.   Also, just because it worked for her doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

Still not sure how to act?  Here is a great article from the Resolve website talking about infertility etiquette.  This is a great resource on what to say or not to say when you are speaking with someone who is dealing with infertility.

Once again we appreciate all the love and support we have been shown in the recent months. 


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I'm doing okay

The past couple of days have been pretty rough, BUT I'm doing okay.  To be honest I never even cried this month.  I can't remember an "end" of a month that I didn't have a good long intense cry which usually last over an hour or more at a time.  Maybe I still will?  I'm not sure.  Up to this point...not a drop.  That isn't saying I haven't been sad and feeling emotional.  Anyways, I have been reading this book called "The Healing Code"...has anyone else ever read this?

I'm still trying to figure it all out and to be honest it sounds a little bit out there, but when I really sit down and start working through things it makes total sense!  The book is all about "healing" the root of all our problems STRESS!  I'm not sure I will ever fully understand it, but it has allowed me to take my mind off being sad and instead I just feel puzzled about the concepts in this book.  One thing I like about the book is that is also incorporates God into the healing so it doesn't go against my beliefs.

I would love to hear from anyone else who has read this book or tried any of the healing codes! 

Who knows....maybe (STRESS + JULIE = INFERTILITY therefore JULIE - STRESS will = lot's and lot's of beautiful babies!!!


Monday, April 16, 2012

This is getting old...

Well, the gig is up this month.  Once again no baby, I woke up at 5AM this morning to some of the worst cramps I have ever felt.  I knew right away what was going on.   AF is here and another month is over.  I'm so sick and tired of this.  I barely even feel sad right now, more angry.  Are you kidding me?  3 beautiful chances from me, 210 million beautiful chances from him!!!!  On paper we sound like we are probably about the most fertile people to exist on the earth, but we aren't and we don't know why. 

We are taking a break, I am putting the thermometer away and just going to see acu-lady once a week.  I'm also totally over this light exercise crap.  I'm going to start training for a 5K.  That is all for now.  I'm too pissed off and frustrated to write anything else that doesn't include bad language.


Friday, April 13, 2012

I cracked.

Ugh...I am horrible.  Just horrible.  I couldn't help myself, but to test last night and this morning.  Both big fat ole (-)'s.  I almost had to slap myself, it is really early yet.  I am just so worried that I am going to have some sort of major meltdown (like almost every other month for the past 6 months).  This is getting so hard.  I don't know how much more of it I can stand.

I look at my hubby and my pups and think maybe this is it.  Maybe it will be just us.  That isn't the worst thing is it?  We have a good life no a great life...WHY OH I have to have such a strong desire for something I can't have?  I convince myself for about 30 seconds that we would be fine and we could be that rich aunt and uncle that travel the world and give great Christmas gifts, but then a "Pampers" commercial comes on and I start crying my eyes out.  I have been horrible finding comfort in shopping and eating lately and it is starting to show and make me feel miserable.  I feel weak like I can't help it!  I'm not really supposed to be exercising much beyond a fast walk, I can't drink coffee, I can't drink wine...sometimes I feel like all I have is my cooking, gardening and my books.

I'm so ready to get off this roller coaster.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

No News is Good News

Hi Everyone,

Quick blog post for today with the update that so far no news is good news.  We are still a good 5-6 days away from being able to test with any real accuracy so we will all have to continue to wait.  I have another acupuncture appointment tonight where hopefully she can attempt to calm me and continue to be distracted for the next 5 days.  I am going to try and hold out on taking any home HPT (home pregnancy test) until next week.  Try is the key word in that sentence.  Until then!


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Opposite of Hope?

Okay this is going to be a short post, but last night I told ACU-lady (acupuncturist) that I was really stressed out because I really want this cycle to work, and I couldn't stop obsessing and worrying about getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down if it doesn't work out.  She said "noooooooooooooo" you have to get your hopes up because the opposite of hope is fear.  Fear can weaken your immune system and just overall make things worse!  Yikes my Qi!!!!!!!!!

So what do you think?  Do you agree?  What is the opposite of hope?


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Trying to enjoy life while WAITING

Infertility makes you feel like you have to put your life on hold.  Each day brings a new kind of waiting...Waiting to start taking drugs, waiting for the next ultrasound, waiting to ovulate, waiting to see if this month was the one.  Waiting, waiting, waiting!  It is enough to drive a person insane. 

I am struggling to keep moving forward since treatments have gotten more intense and rather then looking forward to the fun planned for the weekend, or the upcoming Easter Holiday, I find myself only thinking about how quickly I want the next two weeks to be over.  WHY do I keep doing this!???  This is very hard to overcome. 

One of the ways I started to do this year was by setting some goals for myself for 2012.  I accomplished another one of these goals 2 months ago and have been so caught up in everything that I haven't had time to post about it.  I think you will really enjoy this :) !!

4.  Host a theme party - I chose a spa themed game night.  I had some very good friends over and we all participated by bringing some of our favorite spa things - foot baths, nail polish, facial masks, ect!  Then we would alternate doing a spa activity with playing a game.  We had soooo much fun!  Here are some pictures from the evening:

I need to remember that life is happening all around me and that I can't just let life pass me by as I wait around for the next cycle.  Thank you to my friends who have been so supportive including those who made spa night so special and those who help me carry my burdens every day.  I wouldn't have made it this far without you and I know you will continue to support me no matter how this month turns out!  I love you all!


Monday, April 2, 2012

Cross Your Fingers - IUI #1

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to put up a quick update about our 1st IUI (hopefully last :) ).  We went in Saturday for our ultrasound monitoring (CD16) and everything looked really good.  Three big follicles measuring 24, 25 & 25!  Our RE had me take the Ovidrel shot Saturday night and we made our appointment for Sunday morning for the IUI. 

The numbers from our lab "sample" came in off the charts in a very good way!  The only bad thing for me was that they have you come in with a slightly full bladder and after my hour ride into the office I really had to go!  Then they were behind by 20 minutes and I had to sit another 10 minutes after the IUI.  Jeepers!  Other than that we couldn't have asked for better numbers and timing so now we get to sit and wait some more.

I was surprised that it wasn't really painful at all.  I did have a little bleeding post IUI which had something to do with opening my cervix, but other than that not too bad!  I have to believe that the result of my follicles have something to do with the acupuncture.  I need to call and set up an appointment for this week!  Aculady will be sooooooooo happy!

Anyways, keep us in your prayers this month and we should have our results in about two weeks.  Also keep your fingers crossed that this is the one (two, or three...LOL)!