Thursday, March 29, 2012

Positive New Outlook 75% of the Time

Of course I am not going to lie and say that I feel 100% completely better!  However, over the past couple of days I have belt a positive new outlook on our situation about 75% of the time.  (Our situation has not changed)  I think before it may have been more like 25% of the time so this is a good change.  I have been doing quite a bit of reading and came across a book called Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake and it puts an interesting spin on Hannah from the bible's story about her journey to becoming the mother of Samuel along with the author's own struggle to become a mother. 

It is a good reminder that God is in charge of our lives and we can put our hope in His plan.  It also is a good reminder that it is okay to be upset and okay to be sad at times, but then we need to pick ourselves up and trust in God to take care of us.

This is a great book for people dealing with IF and also friends and family of those dealing with it as well.  It gives good insight for others as to what the thoughts and feelings we are having and good ways to help us cope.  Anyways, reading this book along with the balancing effects of the acupuncture have helped put me in a better place.

We go in for our CD16 ultrasound on Saturday.  We are hoping for a good result of at least two follicles over 18, but one would also be okay.  If all goes well we will get the go ahead to take the ovidrel to trigger ovulation and prepare for the IUI after that.  So a lot of "action" over the new few days followed by another two week wait.

Mr. Hubby and I have decided on taking a break after this month and only continuing with acupuncture if this month doesn't work out.  The perscription that I am on is totally throwing my body of balance and I think it will be good to take a little rest from the additional hormonal stress the medication puts me through.  I'm hoping we won't even need to think about that because we will get good results this month, but it would be naive to not plan forward.  Thank you again to everyone who has been keeping us in your prayers and I will keep you posted on how everything goes on Saturday.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Holy Yin Deficiency

Alright, you all know that I have been seeing an acupuncturist (I truly feel that it is helping) and reading about Eastern Medicine, but I came across something that was a shocker.   First let me tell you about my acupuncture appointment last night... 

SIDE NOTE: I am taking Letrozole/Femara which prevents the aromatose from producing estrogen.  I have all these crazy side effects like I am a woman going through menopause.  Hot flashes, headaches, achy joints, mood swings, and on and on and on!!!

Anyways, I was able to feel so relaxed this time and it actually felt like my body was so heavy that I kept wiggling my fingers to make sure I still had control of them.  Amazing!  I've had a couple needles fall out the past two times.  The first time was Friday when I was feeling overly emotional and acu-lady told me that the point that had fallen out was one of the strongest points for emotions.  Same thing last night when I went in I had a headache and the point that fell out was a strong point for relaxation and headache relief.  I don't know what that means, but I feel like it is kind of interesting!

After reviewing all my symptoms and checking my tongue, pulse and talking with me acu-lady told me that she thinks I have a Yin deficiency.  After doing my own research I agree.  So feeling pretty happy about everything I have learned and excited to move forward this month I come across this SHOCKER in the book that I am reading (The Infertility Cure by Dr. Randine Lewis)

Basically, the medication I take raises the Yang energy and depletes the Yin which is why all the side effects occur (hot flashes, headaches, mood swings).  The book says if a person is already Yin deficient (ME) you are more at risk for having these side effects and your body can’t adapt to the Yang increasing effects of the medication. 

"Clomid can actually deplete a woman’s fertility, and she will most likely be in the great majority of patients who do not become pregnant on Clomid.” 

I am taking Femara, but very similar to the effects of Clomid.  I'm not a doctor or anything, but this seems to make a lot of sense to me and it scares me!  You better believe that I am going to be talking to acu-lady about this on Wednesday.  It will just prove her point even more that I shouldn't be on any medications.  However, my thought though to hopefully to save this cycle is that if I can balance my Yin I could still have a really awesome chance this month of success.  I just don't know if I can balance my Yin that quickly.

You may be thinking...Julie, you have gone off the deep end!  BUT - I wouldn't be as interested in this stuff if I didn't think it was doing something after my last three visits.  Anyways...I just thought this was really interesting stuff and IF it works out it may be of help to other at some point.


Monday, March 26, 2012

Who saw the Hunger Games this weekend???

Okay, for those of you who have not seen the Hunger Games, but want to and/or haven't read the books but want to I'm going to put up a possible SPOILER ALERT!!  I read all three books about a year ago and absolutely LOVED them! 

This weekend I went with my sister-in-law, waited in line with a huge pack of tweens and got primo seating at a Saturday 6:15 showing.

First impression:  Woah…I remember how wrong the whole idea behind this book/movie is!!! Kids killing kids for entertainment! Yikes, BUT still thought the movie was good!

More time to reflect:  Wow, this really was good!  I mean it really hit the nail on the head for the feeling behind the book, the excitement, the crazy culture of the capitol.  I found myself disliking Peeta much more than I did in the book.  I remember reading the book and thinking ..come on Katniss!!!  Why don’t you like him?  Then in the movie it made me realize how much she was totally in love with Gale and how she really couldn’t trust Peeta until the very end because he was playing mind games with her, but you don’t realize until the end that it is only to save her.  I did like Katniss more then I remember liking her in the book.  They don’t really put much detail in the movie about what she is thinking like in the book.  It was probably good because it was her always talking about her self-doubt and whining about everything.

What did everyone else think??? 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Acupuncture = Amazing (so far)

So I must say my first acupuncture appointment was amazing!  I went in with a poor attitude (still recovering from BFN) and a terrible headache.  After checking my tongue?!, pulse and having me lie down on the table she went to town sticking in very thin needles.  Immediately my legs felt a slight tingling.  Interesting!  Then we talked about possible liver stagnation (what ...ewww)  and she left the room to let me relax.  After about 10 minutes my headache was gone and I was feeling in a much better mood.  This was such a nice feeling after 3 days straight of being just miserable.

A friend recommended a book to learn more about acupuncture and other TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) techniques and I started reading The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies It is an interesting read on treating infertility with Western (RE, medications, IUI, IVF...ect) vs. Eastern (Diet, Herbs, Exercise, Acupuncture).  All the questions and things the acupuncturist had done started making sense.  After reading the symptoms section I thought to myself...hey wait a minute..she is right, I might have liver stagnation (still gross).

The book compares the treatments to gardening/lawn care (which I like).  Western is more like applying chemicals to your lawn and plants and Eastern is more like organic fertilizers and natural composts.  I love a good analogy, and about gardening...even better!  Anyways, I feel like I am more prepared (even though I still have a lot to read) to speak more intelligently with my acupuncturist when we meet on Saturday.

So far I just feel a lot more positive energy and we all know that is a good thing. 


Monday, March 19, 2012

Here we go again...Month 30

..but who is counting right.  This weekend was a little less than wonderful with AF showing up Friday ending my cycle.  A little bit of a scare Saturday which may have turned out to be a possible ruptured cyst and a laundry list of setting up the meds. and appointments for the new cycle.  I am trying so hard to stay positive and be happy, but with such a rough weekend and then everyone and their pregnant sister showing up at Menards on Sunday, I am having a rough time.

Thankfully I am starting acupunture TODAY! I told her my number one thing is STRESS relief.  She said she can hopefully do that and more.

Here is what this month looks like for those who like to keep track:

3/18 - 3/27 Letrozole 125mg CD 3-12
3/19 - acupunture appointment #1
TBD - acupunture appointment #2
3/31 - ultrasound appointment
TBD - ovidrel shot
TBD - Results

As usual, please keep me in your prayers this month.  I celebrate the big *28* this Friday and hopefully can put aside some of this stuff and actually enjoy myself.  Happy Monday All.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Its Over...

No luck this month.  Here we go again, round and round and up and down.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I lose when it comes to being patient

I was told by several intelligent people not to do this, but I tested with an HPT anyway this morning (12DPO) and surprise...surprise NEGATIVE.  The crappy thing is that I had a dream right before I woke up that I had taken a test and it came back not only positive, but the test somehow had all these other cool stats that when I woke up I realized didn't really mean anything. So then I was so happy and excited only to be smacked with reality.  It is still a few days early, so anything is possible, but I have lost 99% of my hope this month.  Today's symptoms include more cramping and mood swings. My temp. dropped a few tenths of a degree which is not a good sign.

I will wait another day and if the red lady doesn't show up I will try testing again Friday.  Those HPT's should really be put behind lock and key so I can't do this to myself.

Man IF sucks the life out of me!


Monday, March 12, 2012

No Update, but NEW Look!

Hey Everyone,

Just a quick update that there is no update for this month.  I have been feeling very little "symptoms" other than wanting to eat like a pig.  That however could just be me wanting to eat like a pig. 

We are expecting some beautiful weather in WI this week and I celebrated on Sunday by planting one small row of radish and one small row of lettuce.  It is a gamble I know, but I have a few sprouts already coming through from seeds that never came up last year.  I have a friendly competition with my Dad every year on "who has the better garden" and having the first sprouts definitely counts as a small victory!

I have a lot of pictures I need to upload soon so check back often!


PS.  You like the new look?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Waiting Game

Well I want to start off by saying Vegas was FABULOUS!  We had an amazing time together and with our friends I'll refer to as J&L :).  We pretty much walked the entire strip starting at Harrah's where we stayed and going south down to Mandalay Bay one day and north the second day.  We also made it down to Fremont Street to the Golden Nugget!  I won $100 on a penny slot Wheel of Fortune.  It was so much fun.  J&L were awesome travel buddies!

I could really start having fun after the "giving myself a shot" was over.  It is amazing how IF is on your mind constantly.  Although Vegas is no place to go and relax, I was really able to have a little ease of mind for a few days.  Of course when I got back though it is back at the constant wondering and WAITING.  I have about a week and a couple days left in this cycle.  I'm sick and tired of all the waiting.  I want to be able to DO THINGS again.  I worry constantly.  What if I take this medicine, what if I run too hard, what if I sneeze and my eggs explode.  What was that cramp?  Do I feel nauseous?  Did I take my vitamin?  Am I feeling more bloated today?  What ifs and waiting all day every day.  When I am not thinking/talking about it, then I starting dreaming about it.  For instance, last night I had a dream that all my hair fell out due to the meds. (an actual side effect of the meds. I have been taking).   I guess the only thing I can do is keep my head up and continue to pray.  Here goes...

Dear God,

Please grant me a baby(s).  (Hey it doesn't hurt to be direct.) If you cannot give me a baby right now please grant me ease of mind.  If you cannot give me ease of mind please restore some of the patience that I have used up over the past two and a half years.  If you cannot give me any of these things, please remind me that everything is in your hands and that when I am crying you are sitting next to me holding my hand, and that no matter how this turns out you are always watching over me and I have the joy of salvation through Jesus.  Amen.